Thessaly: Witch for Hire

By Bill Willingham

The Narrator starts with the girl Thessaly, who he admired being in Italy, he meeting her a couple yrs previously, and is currently in the outside market, asking a vendor about snakes being around, and a couple cucumbers to buy, in broken Italian. When she'd walked out, she's accosted by a mouthy perv, she responding perfectly in street lingo. By the time she gets home, he's singing her praises and being the best Thessalian witch, she tripping over a lizard-monster tail. Thess calls for Dave's help, and her David statue becomes able to move, it wrestling with the creature as he reveals his opinion of wasting her centuries with reading book.

Thess takes a class sometimes, but no big goal, she spraying a concoction in the creature's face, it puking frogs as some fella comes in relating he's only there to dispose of the current snake-beast, not the next spawn. Then, the narrator is revealed to be Fetch, an egocentric ghost, who sees his beauty clearly. She's not impressed, knowing now he'd sent this beast, she having to push Fetch away when he keeps making unwanted advances, she somehow ending up getting kissed, and for a mo getting caught up in it. Once he reveals he'd been sending all 30 witches at her for the last couple yrs, til she'd killed them all, she gets more pissed as he tells of all the harm he'd been havocking on people besides.

The frogs go out the door, the neighbors deducing her witchery. Meanwhile, Fetch continues to confess what he'd narrated regarding giving her a better purpose, proposing how she doesn't have to hide anymore, and could even have an HQ. Thess leads the willing Fetch into her room, and uncovers her mirror, she having him look at it, and confides she'd upgraded her ghost-catcher, he now stuck inside.

Fetch complains of being stuck in the bed of her truck, Thess currently having lunch, and making everyone leave with the Jedi-mind trick. Everyone has an excuse to leave, and exit hastily, the employees and owner doing the same. Soon, it only remains to be seen of Thessaly and Peter inside, she divulging she knew of his killing kids, and getting fat, she confessing he hadn't been attempting to hide. She pulls out his jar, he blurting he wouldn't return, and she couldn't force him, but she shows it is possible as she cuts his fingers off, 1st.

Thess continues stuffing him in, bit by bit, and when getting to her truck, Fetch finally gets she doesn't want his love, he staying in there. She moves him from the truck upon her going to her cabin, Fetch failing to get he'd royally fucked up by resurfacing. Fetch brings up how she is kidding herself by her sociability over the last couple yrs, and isn't truly making buddies. Thess reveals his mouthiness would bring them to the next phase of his farewell, she curious about Fetch being the collection of people she'd killed, he declining to answer til he is let out, she declaring she hasn't even gotten started. Thess passes her hand through the mirror and into Fetch, pulling out a skelly.

Fetch only has time to be indignant til she pulls out the 2nd, which she does recognize. He's confirming being able to feel the loss, and starts being receptive to apologizing as she asks, but clamming up about coming clean, so Thess tells she doesn't mind pulling out thousands of skellys one by one. Next a couple old fellas chat of how they are using Fetch to implement their dirty work, and giving her their curse. Thess has worn Fetch down finally after a mound of skellys are removed from him, and he admits there is sort of only 1 monster left she had to kill, but it's from an old man's idea, Thess seeing the gravity of Fetch's stupidity. She's streaming tears and laughing as she confides how he'd blindly gotten her killed.

Thess returns to her cabin and sees Fetch sleeping which she didn't realize ghosts could do, he unaware of it either, attributing it to being bored stupid. When Fetch asks, Thess admits her mission whilst out, going to the Tower of the 9 Cursed Tomes to research the spell to kill a tharmic null, the present guardian not reassured by her odds of survival. She sharply interrupts his naysaying so she could absorb her reading material. Thess confesses it had been a waste of 3 months reading, Fetch feeling only a wk passing, she then clarifying the whole mission had lasted 6 yrs for her, and hadn't divulged the info about the curse.

After leaving the Tower, she takes the safe way to the trade hub, which takes a bit longer, she then teaming up with a caravan per the necessities of the custom in this area. She travels to the House of the Last Titan, 100s of millions of souls staying there, Thess visiting the virgin of the wall, girl claiming there is no escape, but Thess calling bullshit. Thess tells the virgin of her rep of being the most powerful oracle around being why she'd come so far, but the virgin merely states of being unable to elaborate. Thess gives up and gives her shit before leaving, she trying Charlie's lair, next.

It takes more than a year to get to, and the giant cat says it hasn't been done, otherwise he'd have done it. Thess is desperate, so invades a library with a pumpkin headed mop cleaner, she soon speaking with the librarian, Lucien. She reveals she'd known a secret back door for a decade a couple yrs. Thess next states she wished to borrow a particular set of books, Lucien setting her straight of these being kids dream books. So, she being at the end of her options, Fetch isn't helpful when she asks for last requests, he going back to having sex, since she used to be wild, a Neanderthal.

Chaos is basically what's after Thess, the creature touching whatever it's after and blinking it out of all existences. So, despite those who are among the Endless are long-lived, it won't last forever. Thess finishes writing in 1 notebook, she bringing it to her latest wing where her worker offers to make more for this 1 nearly done, but Thess stating not requiring anymore wings. She ends Lilly's service, the creature glorifying over eating creatures again, Thess allowing it stay on her own world.

Thessaly continues this same tack for Morgrun, a giant creature housed in a fiery cavern, as well as other creatures which she spellbound to keep their promise to not swarm an inhabited planet for at least 30 millenia. She returns to her cabin and Fetch reminds he had a plan, she not able to hold her breath. Thess next handles releasing Fetch via hammer, she next locating the curse, it being a subtle hunter, only popping into the right universe at the mo of getting closer to its target. 1 man feels the Null's passing by discovering the most deadly spider, it not existing before the Null had passed through.

The man starts feeling paralyzed as he's driving back, reaching the large city before perishing, and the spider being released into a crowded city with 600 eggs. A lady along with others in her Montana town decide to go out and stab people. In WA, some fella makes an oopsy and starts a radioactive cloud. Oregon some cats turn feral and eat their human, and Nevada the water is killing people.

Fetch is waiting on pins and needles til Thess confirms the Null is close enough and he should drink the concoction she hands him. Before doing so he gives her another smooch and tells her to loosen up or he'll find a way to haunt her, then regurgitating his skellys. A few days later finds Thess in London, invading a private, men's only sorcerer's lounge, asking the room for Pinder-Smythe. He recognizes her, surprised she's alive, she giving credit to Fetch for figuring out the Virgin's words.

Days ago Fetch squares off with the Null, neither succeeding to do harm to the other, until the very end when they both get snuffed out in their efforts, P-S only seeing the positive, despite her buddy going, too. Thess allows the man next to him to flee for claiming no part, she then stating bugs would eat P-S from inside out. Thess returns to her cabin and sees all the skellys are gone, but they having gone inside to wait for her, they wanting Fetch back, and she not being able to help, everyone merely living on. Damn, mostly good despite the throwaway ending! Could've served to be fleshed out, but it was a great story.