The Sandman Presents: Petrefax

By Mike Cary

Petrefax is sent by Klaproth to go to Malegrise in April. Everyone there is born a sorcerer, and the young man has 7 league boots to help him travel. Only now he requests some help getting to Sortari, so asks a man on a horse, the fella asking his reason and learning it is for work. The man gets hoity toity, saying he must use a different rd for being an undertaker, since his Master Bulgus owned this, public rd.

Phrax Bulgus is judge in consistory and currently a young lady is vehemently denying agreement to marry him. Her pop wants her to, but she knows the man as a killer. Her pop denies Bulgus' guilt for his bro and nephew's deaths by fire, which, didn't touch the home, at all. Calcinia suggests she be apprenticed, but this be a world of proper sexism, where women don't go to college or work in trade.

As Cal's pop goes off to greet Bulgus, he hears a horse, Cal riding away on it. She travels by rd and soon meets who she believes is a witch, the woman introing herself as Ismir. Cal requests a death potion which she'd willingly pay with gold pieces, Ismir declining, but still giving the potion. Meanwhile, Bulgus is interrupted by his slave, Bal Cyphyro, he not getting the desired release from contract despite working for him for 300 yrs.

Pet makes it to Sortari and to a bar where he hears racist remarks against the gypsies who'd walked in behind him. Cal is taking her potion and whispering in the sleeping ear of Bulgus, regarding his betrayal to his bro. As she gets more details, Bulgus realizes the stranger's presence, and shoots magic at the retreating bird. The maid shouts of Cal not waking to her pop, the news getting to the bar.

Pet finally intros himself to the man and offers his services as undertaker. Her pop hires him after he meets with Cal's ma, as well, he discussing his fee and tacking on duties. As Pet moves a tube next to Cal, she starts retching and pleading for help due to not being able to catch her breath. Pet realizes she's truly dead, Cal noting she must remain a secret from everyone, since if Bulgus learned she'd been spying on him, he'd make her pay!

Cal then begins noticing the effects of rigor, Pet offering to massage the poison through, she asking for help to regain the other half of her soul. Pet does the coffin building and Cal's pop is pleased into paying full price, Cal planning on escaping during the funeral. Everything is going swell til Bulgus insists on placing a rose on Cal's chest in the casket, and so once they discover odds and ends inside, they plan to hang him in the forest.

Pet is getting noosed and Cal is waiting for Pet's knock at the door per his instruction, but she decides to investigate, so goes out. Pet is in the tree, but his neck didn't break, the group considering pulling on his legs, but Pet being saved by a gypsy cutting the rope. The gypsy fella, Raven sticks up for him and uses magic against the idiots threatening to use magic. After, Raven intros himself and leads Pet away to recover.

Bulgus returns to his study and deduces he'd halved Cal and asks Malachi, his bro a possessed skull to confirm. He doesn't stop there, making his bro do his bidding. Bulgus then learns where Cal currently is. Meanwhile, Raven is carrying Pet and a woman makes known she'd been expecting someone like him.

Pet is helped by Ismir, Cal riding up and pleading she help him and pay her. Ismir isn't worried about being paid, and helps Pet recover as she relates how Cal had gotten some useless info for half of her soul, Cal thinking she could use it when she located Quonce. Pet next helps Cal stave off more decay before meeting up with Ismir later. Bulgus prepares to wreak havoc upon the gypsies as Raven learns from Ismir of how she'd bought him when he was an infant, so wasn't gypsy.

When Ismir prepares the circle to call the ifrits for info on Quonce, she makes Cal sleep, since she was the ifrits bait. Ismir gets her 3 qs from them, then wakes Cal and tries to hurry the trio away before some men come to make trouble for them on horseback. Ismir distracts them, but not long enough to not notice the retreating group, 1 of the men clubbing Ismir down. By the end, Pet confesses in his open letter to his teacher of being in love with the dead girl.

In Melegrise where everyone's a sorcerer, Pet starts as a mortician when his 1st job becomes undead after trying to avoid Bulgus' advances. So, now with the help for a wizard they must locate Quonce, who is Bulgus' partner, and is helped by Raven. They're attacked by Bulgus on their way to Quonce, a bridge being broken by him, and making the 2 fall into violent water of the Chibaios River. Pet is able to catch a rope as he sees Cal fall and probably into the water.

Pet eventually climbs up without remembering doing so. When he gets to the top, he attempts to get a ride from a coach which at 1st acts hostilely toward him, until the mayor inside hears he's an undertaker. Meanwhile, Raven saves Cal, she then realizing Bulgus had her beat, since her body won't last the amt needed to get back. So, instead she decides to try for the consistory to see if they'd help her, what with her impressive pyro skills.

Back with Pet, he's having to decline the job offer for his current mission to locate Quonce, which upon hearing the mayor thinks will fail since Quonce is a hermit. So, the mayor makes a deal with Pet to intro him if he helped him, Pet reluctantly agreeing and the mayor getting a contract prepared. When Pet looks it over, it may as well be astronomical language. Bulgus orders his slave to take his true form, find Pet and burn him to powder.

Raven and Cal run into wannabe thieves and rapists, but Raven gets Ironfoot his horse to trample them, and Cal uses magic. They hide the trio and go to the rd mentioned, being wary of others. As Pet and the mayor ride through town, Pet smells part of the problem the mayor hired him for, but 1st comes Quonce. The mayor unlocks a gate to where Quonce is, which seems odd to Pet.

Raven and Cal reach the city, and the people are quite stuck up. Cal soon learns those who can't pay for their case to be heard is put on a years long list. Bulgus is still tracking Cal as Pet is about to call on Quonce's house. The mayor leads him inside and Pet voices his qs of how the mayor had access, then reads the open journal and it reveals Quonce had an addiction to a drug concoction, and Pet is less eager to meet this type of man upstairs, the smell from town originating here.

The job Pet had is undertaking the now, giant induced body of Quonce rotting upstairs, and essentially burying Bulgus' guilt with him, which doesn't help to perk Pet's fascination.

Cal is in the Consistory Court and must take her freedom. She tries speaking to the magistrates as they walk to work, but they merely turn her away for smelling. Cal goes to Raven and asks he steal a wagon she knew is unwatched. Pet is not amused by the task he agreed with, so plans to bury the giant under the soon to be rubble of his former home, the mayor having no choice, so far, to agree.

Pet doesn't actually care about his massive task, merely wanting enough time to pore over the journal, fortunately seeing a breakthrough regarding a goat. Outside, a fireball is zigzagging in the sky, the mayor spotting it. Inside Pet and his helper are preparing the structure before it's control collapsed, when a demon, Bal Cyphyro, undramatically steps through a wall looking for Pet as Bulgus' lawyer. Raven must be convinced of why he should use his ma's horse to help Cal, she making the case of trying it their way and being ignored, so'd go back and prod a decision out of them.

Meanwhile, Pet is about to warn Bal Cyphyro of the instability of their chat spot, but he doesn't oblige to listen, so as ropes burn around them, the corpse's hand falls through the ceiling first, Pet diving out the door just in time. When Bal Cyphyro again approaches Pet, this time he holds up the journal which hopefully would pause him. Cal is riding in the hay carriage as Raven follows as back up, she approaching the gate. The guards notice her pretty quickly as Raven'd predicted.

They don't succeed in stopping her flaming kegs of brandy within the gates. Whatever Pet had told Bal Cyphyro, it'd convinced him to help, since either way Pet would perish. Cal barges into the Consistory surprising the dicks within. Bulgus, the lead magistrate agrees to hear her despite the butthurt members hubbubbing.

Pet comes to Cal's aid as Bulgus is dismissing her proofless claims against him. Now, Pet has brought the idea of a duel being had, since it is in their rules, Pet nominating Raven to fight for her. Bulgus uses his magic on Raven, and toys with killing him when as he's casting another spell, he disintegrates into dust. Bal Cyphyro states of Raven being protected by his pop's spell, his true name Jonathan Bulgus. The now dust Bulgus is actually a goat, and Bal Cyphyro helps Cal return to her living form, as well as put the other Consistory member in his place. This leaves Pet and Raven wanting Cal for himself, but she wishes to learn from Bal Cyphyro. He accepts and when Cal breaks the news to her untrustworthy parents, they have no choice, but to allow it. Pet returns home and undertakes Ismir's funeral, Raven giving Bal Cyphyro his lands before traveling with the gypsies to find himself, and when Cal died, he'd be truly released from his service. Pet plans to travel at some point soon himself.

The letter format to Pet's master brought me out of the story each time, and it seemed to get thicker with explanation. This comic does become quickly difficult to read, partially caused by the font and size of text, as well as the chosen style of Olde EANGLISH, if you catch my meaning... onward, though since it is absurd and still fascinating enough. It's fine as a time-waster, but not necessary to seek out. If it's hand and free, go for it!