The Return of Jeeves

By P.G. Wodehouse

Another humorous choice in the Jeeves collection, which was originally titled, "Ring for Jeeves", but at no point do they actually ring for him, and this story contains no Bertie Wooster other than by honorable mention from his peers and Jeeves. A waiter begins sharing with a lady American customer the news of a horse winning in the Oaks, sometimes following/preceding the Derby. This woman happens to be dripping riches, Rosalinda Banks, adept at free verse "vers libre", had married and been widowed trice, this how she'd acquired her savings. As shed continued reading her mystic spiritualistic book, the waiter had returned with he refill and chatter about the winning horse still.

Next, Rosalinda's shocked by the presence of one of her deceased hubbies friends, Biggar, he the type to be found in safari settings. As they caught up, she informs of her meeting with Sir Roderick for the possible selling of his property, Rowcester Abbey, whilst it's also learned Biggar was h.o.h. for Rosalinda. Biggar reminisces upon his first meeting with her, and references Simba the lion! When he returns to himself, he clarifies of being on the chase for a bookie and was waiting on a car repair.

Biggar was quite adamant to catching the bloody thief for his pay out, but then turns the subject back to her before he got too graphic, she expounding on her psychic ouija board interests, he being magnanimous to her comfort and dotingness. She insists she must continue her journey to Rowcester soon after and he stiffens the upper lip and focuses on his car. "Roaster" phonetically, Abbey was being surveyed by Moke (Monica), Bill Roaster's sis and her hubby, Rory, he deciding the place looked worse since their last visit. When she reveals the plan to attempt selling the property, he's dubious of it's interest level.

Whilst the 2 make snarky remarks at each other, Rory also learns no one is about to answer the bell, Moke relating the bells hadn't worked for many a year, but the door would allow them in nicely. Moke, upon reminiscing in the living room, is discovered by Jill, coming in by the window from the garden. Jill was small, slightly freckled, and athletic, she catching up with Moke on her abrupt appearance being caused by low fundage. When Rory comes in, he doesn't recognize Jill, since he'd last seen her at pubescence and she'd filled out since then, everyone then being caught up with Jill now engaged to Bill.

Rory relates how Bill's type seemed to have changed, since he'd usually be seen with curvy ladies. Rory moves onto his workplace's "esprit de corps" = pride amongst group. Once they get to the surprising news of Bill hiring help and one of them was Bertie's Jeeves, who had offered his services temporarily due to Bertie's being off somewhere. Bill had a boring sounding, supposedly lucrative posish and couldn't possibly be gambling again, he having Jeeves accompany him for being a numbers man.

When Jill departs to help a pup in need, Rory brings up his suspicion on Bill's job, then picks up a call from the fuzz about wanting to speak with Bill. Rory supports Moke's desire to think there was innocent reasons for this and request she encourage him verbally and physically (perhaps cheerleader-style) as he got their luggage. Bill finally makes it back, he not the sharpest knife int he set, a reference to Poirot's "leetle grey cells" being stolen, most charmingly. The man was good-looking, but his moostosh minused this some.

It's shown later to have been a grooming stick-on of some sort. Bill proceeds to call for Jeeves, the dynamics perfect from the Jeeves perspective, I suspect. Upon learning they could be visited by the man they fled, Bill had to practice being at ease and oblivious. The man happened to be Biggar, they owing him quite a few thou pounds and it paining him, esp. since their disguises would be more difficult to use at the Derby.

Bill starts complaining about Jeeves' plan on he becoming a bookie being complicated, this because he was engaged to Jill and couldn't find a suitable posish from the Classifieds, but his choice also being a slight to his soon-to-be wifey. As Bill staves off Jeeves' quotes, and orders a drink, he's in mid-anxious relieving wheeze when Jill walks in Jill thought he'd be relaxing after work, not hyperventilating. When Bill hears her voice, it snaps him into reality, he denying any issues. She even calls him out on bettering, but he's able to deny less guiltily since she's specific, but he still looks spooked, he making like he's right as rain.

Jill doesn't believe him, he loses his temper and she suspects foul female play from him. Jeeves comes in with drink and announces Moke and Rory's arrival, as well as Mrs. Spottsworth and her plans. This perks Bill up, Jill thinking of how they could buy a farm. When Jeeves saves his butt after mentioning the specific amount he owed and Jill had left for more housecalls, he explains Bertie's school didn't allow students to be butlerfied, he taking home-ec. in case he should fall on hard times.

So, Mrs. Spottsworth was speculating the importance of Biggar's happening to see her, was 'discussed' with her deceased hubby, Alexis and the other dead hubs were wishing she'd remarry. N, lo! out the ether comes Biggar, with his massive crush. She'd learned this through seeing his reaction to her, etc. (FYI, metaphors have been on point from the first, and they're still delightful!) So, the more she considered Biggar's skills, and how golden of a protector he'd be, Spottsworth was warming to him and was contemplating her woo pitch face so he'd make a move, when she's distracted with the view of Roaster Abbey, it apparently stunning only from the distance she was currently viewing.

Meanwhile, Bill was getting advice and reminders for his goals and objectives from Moke. Then, they reveal how the cops were looking for him to question and another fella after his license plate #, Bill looking hella shaken. As Moke and Rory attempt to lure the info out of him, Jeeves announces Spottsworth's arrival. As Moke greets Rosie formally with hubby, Rory, shes interrupted with the unfortunate nickname she'd given Bill, but is pleased to learn their past acquaintanceship would give Bill an edge to making the sale.

Bill is careful with what was said about their time in Cannes when Rosie becomes chatt. This is offset with Rory talking shit about the place and reminding of how he'd said more unfriendly to buyers statements earlier, catching her up and Moke looking like she'd throttle him. Rosie , though tops him fairly well with the idea of believing she was a resident in the past at the place, a "Rotationist". The trio mostly entertain this description of hers and she attempts to lead them to a specific spot instinctually.

Jeeves is interrupted by Rory asking if he agreed Rosie had lost it with all her psychic nonsense, Jeeves then also impressing Rory with his horsey know-how. When Rosie returns with the others she's told Biggar had turnt up. When she leaves, Rory brings up how Jill would understand the 'relationship' Bill had back when with Rosie, but Bill rankles at his term and agrees there'd never been anything between them. The news of Biggar's arrival green's Bill's tinge a bit, making Moke confused and jogging Rory's memory on a double entendre rhyme.

Some background on A.B. Spottsworth shows his appreciation for the conclusion of female co. at the end of din din, Bill esp. not sharing this view toward Biggar, regardless of he not mentioning his chasing him, and kismet-style, as soon as he hopes the subj. doesn't come up, the question of whether Biggar appreciated racing is asked by Rory. This allows Biggar to relate his frustrating experience. Rory is properly disgusted when hearing Biggar had been snubbed his winnings, Bill feigning shock and empathy, barely, and Rory awaying after a lil to catch the pre-race chatter on telly, Biggar requiring Bill stay and chat, he having Jeeves make busy to stay nearby and not be left alone with the large fellow. Finally, Biggar gets his chance to confront Bill on whether he knew Honest Patch Perkins, who had taken or been lent his car, Bill playing dumb with Jeeves quite readily, which leads to Jeeves stating Biggar must've been memorizing the wrong number, Biggar insulted due to how long he'd had to get it.

Biggar then describes what'd happen if he found the swindler after Bill suggests the bookie may only require time to pay off his winnings, the result not good for the culprit. When Bill makes a good getaway reason, Biggar asks to make a call, and after Jeeves shows him to the phone, Bill gives him props for the slightly slow delivered possibility of the lic. # being a coincidence which Honest Patch had happened upon. Bill sees only Jill remaining in the room, Moke and Rory checking the Derby, and when Rosie is mentioned, Jill has her mo. to inquire why, and suggest how he could've broached the subj. of how he'd known her. Bill disagrees due to he not having known she'd changed her last name since he'd last seen her.

When Jeeves walks in, their convo. ends there, Jill leaving to pack and stay with them for a night per Moke's invite. Bill then thinks on whether there was a "tinkle" in Jill's voice, he being in trubs if there had been, understandably paranoid. When he goes off on how "dotty" females were, esp. with the ESP-- ;), Jeeves attempts to give anecdote about his Aunt no longer with them and Bill says how "...that's something" (daaaang!), Jeeves biffing off after clearing the coffee cups. Bill has no guilt since he's sensing he was fucked with Jill.

Moke reenters and inquires what's up Bill's butt, he getting snippy, apologizing, and Moke ordering him to start turtle-doving, as promised, since it was primetime to do so. Bill's at first perplexed, then calms, knowing sis was right, he thinking of the money, he could pay up for Biggar. After he's gone, Rory appears and asks his hubby about Bill's stability and it having to do with Biggar, Moke unconvinced by Rory's theory, she telling him to say more positive things thenceforth about her home, Rory promising to try, going back in for more Derby interviews. Rosie was sitting outside for a smoke after her attempts to commune with the dead came up empty nearly a half hour in waiting.

Rosie was also regaining some starry eye from the pretty evening, thinking of Biggar and plans of marriage. The devil having been thought of, Biggar appears, clumsily and ready to serve her, esp. when she'd dropped a pendant worth nuttin (10k) and asked him to replace it drapingly upon her neck. To keep himself from throwing himself on her, reminds himself through the memory of 2 buddies of being "a white man", this keeping him in check (raised eyebrow much higher than Trump's "shitty wall", much?). As Rosie attempts to grind his lurv gears into life, Bill pops by and greets them nervously atwitter (quite entertaining), this allowing Biggar to flee before losing himself and proposing to her.

Biggar's close enough to overhear Bill's well-crafted cooing and whilst he wanted nothing more than to end him, he followed his bro code, resisting. He instead returns to the house and unloads to Jill of Bill "making love" under the moon, the nutter. As the room fills with the main players, Moke opens a chest containing Bill's bookie costume, Biggar recognizing it and when Rory and she go back to the Derby interviews, he interviews Bill further. Bill isn't calmed by the angry seeming state of Biggar, Jeeves staying quiet whilst wishing to whisper sweet Marcus Aurelius quotes at Bill.

Biggar states his judgement of Bill being Honest Patch, Jeeves coming in to answer with quick stealth, but partial truths, Biggar ready to send both to prison and Jeeves acknowledging whilst Bill wanted to pay him in full, he currently lacked the fundage. So, Biggar resorts to sharing his predicament in desperation and threats to them if spread, Bill offering to be able to start monthly payments in 2 months ("That('s) won't do me any good", doesn't make sense, do it?), but this not being acceptable. Biggar threatens the reality he expected for them before taking a restful breath in the garden, Jeeves coming up with a sneaky plan of acquiring Biggar's ticket and paying him back without threat when he could. Bill likes and okays the executing thereof, Biggar ruining it by reentering frontally rather than French window-y.

It'd barely been 5 mins. since Biggar'd been gone, but after a frustrated kick of a frog, he realizes Rosie lurved him back. What was worrying him was his weak financial state and hers being kingly. He thought having his large would-be winnings in his picket would aid his ego enough to overlook her wealth enough to grow the balls to marry her. When Biggar remembers Rosie's pendant, he enters to see Bill and Jeeves near the window, Bill startled with his entrance and Biggar jumping to his point, but swiftly interrupted by Bill's nerves and confusion, Jeeves quoting Tennyson.

Biggar gets his mo. to share his plan for the pendant pick-up, and puts Bill to the task of lifting it, he ofc refusing like our Bertie would, not wanting to steal from another of his guests, Biggar reasoning how the pendant actually was his and was telling a roundabout story of why this was so, explaining of meeting with Tubby and the Subahdar, then Hobo Sycamore walking in and reuniting with Biggar, he having first been in possession of the pendant, wanting to sell, so his 2 buddies and he pitch in the cash for it, Bill winning it by dice and this being the ownership background, gifting it to Rosie upon acquisition. Bill's fears are eased with this borrowing idea and Biggar leaves to perform his nightly yoga. Bill has Jeeves come up with a plan using the "spider sequence", the pendant being "found" next evening. Jeeves then offers a practice run for confidence, Jeeves doing an un-Jeeves-ly reaction, scaring Bill and all because he'd felt it worked with his performance as Rosie, but after, they do the scene properly for the lead-in to swat the "spider".

(Great scene, unlike Jeeves to say, "Ha, ha, m'lord...", as well) After this, Jeeves insists Bill attempt this plan sooner than later, he off, and his fiancee', Jill entering looking glum. She joins Rory and Moke, Biggar entering after, she upset more by the news of Bill having gone out and Rosie was in the garden with him. Biggar moves to where Jeeves was, Bill enters and looks worse for wear, the sequence working, but the locale of the pendant closer to Rosie than the grass. Biggar comes up with a solution first, it involving Bill dance the Charleston, to his confusion.

After another revealing story, though and Jeeves explains for Bill's benefit, he's ready to swing the girl free of her pendant once more, she coming through the French windows with her pup, Pomona. Jill puts doggy in her room, by request, and Bill invites Rosie to dance, she seeing it as good incentive to light a fire under Biggar's ass, accepting. Biggar can't stay and watch the spectacle, kicking more frogs in the garden. Jill is jealous and wants the justice system to punish Bill with the idea of this somehow being an illegal offense, Rory and Moke joining the dancers.

Bill throws Rosie a good'n and she upsets her leg, she being sent off to rest after Rory points out her fallen pendant. Bill gives up by this time and goes to bed, sleep expected not to come with ease. Everyone was nicely warm in bed, Jill and Bill struggling for lullness. Jeeves interrupts Bill's sheep count to update of having come up with a plan to get him the pendant.

Temporarily distracted by Bill's pj color, Jeeves remarking the distasteful nature of it on Bill, but getting shushed like Bertie would and also gifting the destruction if his plan succeeded. Jeeves begins using "the psychology of the individual", which Bill was familiar, since he'd heard stories from Bertie at the Drones. Once Bill saw where Jeeves was heading, he took issue with the psychic-side of his plan; until he heard the whole of it, since he wasn't expected to take the role of the ghost, but to seen unconscious for having seen one, Rosie ofc wanting to see one, too, which'd get her out of her room. The plan works, but for Bill's escape punctuated by shrieking dog, Jill seeing him and upon Jeeves returning, getting Bill's engagement ring back.

Jill's father was currently getting annoyed by his young butler of 16 yrs and his 15 y/o cook, wishing for the old school quality. Which was mostly the reason he approved of Jill's marriage to Bill, he having Jeeves, but then she comes in to reveal she'd canceled their nuptials. Once he'd heard the part about exiting Rosie's room so late and in mauve, no less, he discovers he didn't have a horsewhip available, so he'd have to ask to borrow Bill's so he could hwhip him; haha! Meanwhile, the guests of Roaster were enjoying their gourmet meals, whilst Colonel Wyvern suffered with his teen bumpkin cook.

Bill was in too much of a state to marvel at the flavors given, and when Rosie was about to bring up the source of his nerves again, Rory in his way, began speaking a bit ill of Biggar, Jeeves interrupting before a spat developed further. This new possibility of Biggar being a liar, freaked Bill out, Rory and Moke finalizing their research over what horse they'd bet on, then off to locate Jeeves for his informed opinion of their choices. Bill asking Rosie about where she'd gotten her pendant, her answer doing the opposite of quelling fear, Bill excusing himself to go to the pantry for restorative, and hopefully Jeeves. Jeeves is found by Moke and Rory first, they getting their advice and learning of Bill's ex-engagement, giving opportunity for Rory to exude empathy and the support of BIll now having the better "single" life.

Moke leaves, Rory sensing issue with his words and decides to pick the ole bouquet to r this w. After his exit, Bill shares his concern and Jeeves reasons it was more likely Biggar'd seem like the suspect due to his absence, and Bill'd be able to pay her the value of it upon the house sale, he much more comforted and needing a drink. Jill then enters via everyone's fave, French window. Whilst being peeves with Bill, she didn't want him hwhipped, her plan involving having Jeeves warn Bill, so he could defend himself by fleeing or hiding.

This prompts Jeeves to reveal where Rosie'd been at  the hour Jill'd mentioned, this bringing her hopes round, she giving Jeeves chance to explain the situation, including the truth of BIll's shady ex-profession, as well as the deets behind what it all looked like, after which Bill is called in, and Jill forgives him with a snuggle hug. As Moke, Rory, and Rosie come in, the latter was ready to sign a deposit after being assured the place was dry, Rory coming in and blathering about its dampness, Rosie then receiving news her pendant was stolen. Bill immediately inquires of Jeeves on whether he sported a plan, the only supply being if the right horse won, Biggar'd come back with the pendant. Rosie was resistant to believe Biggar'd gotten off with her pendant, Moke calling the po, and as Bill remembers and shares with Jeeves before he went to claim the jewel-case, he forgetting to wear gloves and hadn't wiped his prints, Colonel Wyvern coming through the French windows.

Colonel Wyvern was halted by seeing his daughter all over Bill, but Moke's confusion about thinking Colonel Wyvern had come because she'd phoned the cops, he taking a report, the Chief Constable arriving, as Rory scrambles for a radio, since the tv stopped working, and for awhile the convo with Jeeves and the Constable with Colonel Wyvern taking notes, the radio announcers is spouting names and the race so close they had to wait for the pic, everyone disappointed it wasn't Ballymore. (Editor missed a name misspelling "Subahdah(r)") When Biggar confessed his always love and going off into the sunset, alone, Rosie reasons how she knew one of his buddies, Tubby, this fella having married a lady richer than she was, and Jeeves had detected a way to get Rosie to buy, he also giving his resignation notice, Bertie having been expelled. Rory gets last joke about Biggar's name with Mrs. Biggar being bigger. Fun, quick, and funny as usually, even if it did lack Bertie, the old chap!