The Gold Bat and Other School Stories

By P.G. Wodehouse

I'm so happy I didn't read Wodehouse by chronology! I'm hearing how difficult the trek through his school stories were, and I now can safely maintain, beginning with Jeeves and Wooster is the best way to introduce oneself to the Wodehousian way. This collection contains 3 novels, The Gold Bat, The Head of Kay's, and The White Feather. I stopped after starting The Head of Kay's, since I didn't quite take to the sports, and I ran into another bit of loosey-gooseyness with a non-Twainian-style of using the N WORD after beginning, The Head of Kay's.

The Gold Bat A group of boys are drawing as to who would get bath 1st, since they weren't apart of houses and bathe in comfort. Wrykyn, the school seems to have issue keeping water flowing in the place, so during games, the opposing team were minimally accommodated in the way of showers, on this front. Wrykyn was strong with the quality of their footballers, so as the boys narrowed down who had failed them this game, they settled on the right wing, Rand-Brown. Paget brings him up to their cap, Clowes, who states thinking on the same terms, the man playing shit, and he'd try someone else next game.

Clowes was lounging when Trevor requests he go to baths with him to meet with O'Hara to collect his gold bat he'd let him borrow. Trevor goes on without Clowes, who was still struggling to dress mid-lounge, he having Ruthven walk with him, instead. The 2 check in on the fella's house, but he isn't in, so he has the boy who answers relay for O'Hara to meet him for tea to pass over the gold bat, 1 of 11 other bats, the others silver, and this 1 gold due to the headmaster having provided the last 1 for the cap, the original amount being messed up. When O'Hara gets the invite to tea, he's right over, immediately getting into a story about Dexter showing his anti-Irish ways, this prompted when O'Hara and Trevor'd seen the Headmaster with the mayor of Wrykyn in a carriage.

After seeing the mayor's quote, the 2 decide to tar and feather his statue on the grounds, so he and his accomplice sneak off in the middle of the night, go to the boat house and steal a boat, tar in the b.h. and brushes brought, they getting to the statue, tar, then use leaves in lieu of feather, and finish their night sleeping in the b.h.. When Clowes shows his admiration then asks for the bat, O'Hara decides to be a thief and pretend he must've dropped it somewhere on his path, palming it back into his pocket, but Clowes not needing to worry yet, since he wouldn't be asked to return it til Sport's Day, then hopefully the boy thinks the H.M.'ll just have it simply replaced. Barry and M'Todd check out the list posted to show where they were playing this term, Barry getting a jolt, and not saying why, urging M'T to hurry along with him, the fella having to catch up, and the 2 picking up the subj of where Barry was playing finally being spelled out for M'T. He's saved by Drummond, who also wishes to practice, so M'T goes off for tea.

During the course of Barry's start on the team, he plays to his strengths and succeeds, winning his own team over. Thurs, Clowes and Trevor chat about the League, Trevor unaware, due to its starting before he'd come 5 years ago, the group dying out when the founders graduated, but it having resurfaced. The reason for it ending having involved an incident with a boy having been punished by them to the point of the lad nearly perishing from pneumonia. Trevor didn't believe the group had actually returned, which Clowes thought was the case stemming from a literal calling card, with typewritten confirmation of the League taking credit for smashing shit up.

Trevor allows then of whoever needing to be real careful to not get "sacked" out of school, like the previous boys. Trevor receives his own correspondence with a card form the Prez of the League, stating Barry should be kicked from the 1st 15 team. Drummond has gone early to see Mill's messed up room, Bertie a French student, being looked after by Drummond due to their pops knowing each other. As the group sat about, Rand-Brown enters with insulting aside to M'T, no one appreciating R-D's interruption, a few leaving in preference to working out.

Trevor maintains his decision to leave Barry in, he always running his decisions over with his leut.'s Milton and Allardyce. Milton confirms he definitely liked the idea of Barry continuing to play with them, whilst taking tea with Trevor. By Mon., Trevor is told by Ruthven of his study not being how he'd left it. Trevor goes to see the state of his room, it looking close to what a hurricane could do, plus his pics of the 1st 11 and 12 team lineups having been slashed, so no one could be ID'd. Clowes comes and sees the damage, also staying to help tidy, so it doesn't become a spectacle like Mill's room had, the 2 adjourning to Clowes room to discuss possible suspects.

Later on, back at Trevor's, O'H notices the difference at Trevor's room, and he shortly, with peevishness relates of the League having caused it, O'H showing his shock of the Cap of footy being a target. O'H also mentions the gold bat still at large, and an article printed about the feathered statue, the police finding evidence and O'H not believing it could be the bat, but Clowes none the less advising O'H run to Callao with the lack of extradition. O'H isn't bothered though, and revels in a good scrap, like Moriarty, so was given express permission to only confide to him. Moriarty and O'H scheduled to meet up at 10 am during maths, a pointless tool, the 2 both using their profs weak points to get kicked out of their respective classes.

After relating the news, the 2 agree to weasel out the group's hideout, O'H getting so close as to hiding in their meetup spot and latching on to a kid's arm. It turns out to be a younger boy, Renford with Harvey coming to feed their secret ferrets, they having once seen a dozen boys come in, the 2 sneaking out. O'H eventually swears them to secrecy and tells them why he wished to know who was in the group, the boys not seeing anyone and looking up to O'H so ofc keeping their word. As O'H and Moriarty practice boxing in the gym, he realizes he'd waited at the wrong hour, this correct, since the group'd turned up a few minutes after he'd left, so next time, the 2 agreeing to stakeout later at the secluded room of chairs in a secluded building.

After the day O'H's time in "the vaults", Barry and M'T are readying for tea, this popular during winter and Easter terms during earlier curfews, some rooms doubling up their tea-making for ease and economy, unlike Shoeblossom's room, only enough room to house 1. He was a quirky chap though, he the type to do things which'd be better left alone. When M'T inevitably knocks the teapot over, Barry sends him to refill after speaking to him "eloquently" for a bit 1st. Drummond and De Bertini come in and decide they should begin with the sausages whilst M'T came back with the water, since the boy was likely to drop it again, this happening when he enters the room, but only 1/2 the amount, so sets it to boil.

When the sausages were done, Shoeblossom comes in right in time, and decides to place the hot pan of fat back on the fire, a oil fire starting which brought their prof to the room, this after M'T upset the water again, so in the meantime getting the janitor to get to the roof and pour water down the chimney, the teacher getting nailed in the face by a load for looking up to see if the 4th bucket load would come. Shoeblossom loses his shit and sobs feebly at the state of the prof, who lashes out at Barry and Drummond, who now had to stay in the day room for the night, along with Shoeblossom, who also got standards, but like an Englishman, always looking on the bright side of life, at least the links being ready for scarfing. The 2 boys weren't too torn up, since they had the house matches coming up. It became a heated chat between Clowes, Barry, and Milton when they'd next be facing off in the upcoming match.

Meanwhile, Shoeblossom was attempting to chill in the day-room, but normal shenanigans by other students got in the way of his quiet pastime of reading, he now hoping Mr. Seymour lifted the ban, so he could return to his study. Shoeblossom, whilst a loose cannon for his own mischief, generally chose to act like an old man, usually. So, since he'd been unable to get 1 dang page read, he decided to try after curfew, in his study, with a dark lantern he'd squirreled away, but Mr. Seymour returns to check on the unlocked rooms, Shoeblossom hiding behind the door. Right before Barry was to post the chosen lineup for the upcoming game, he receives another letter which tells of the League having gotten the gold bat.

Trevor's reaction to the latest note from the League is met with stubborn resolve mixed with how they could retaliate by returning the gold bat to the h.m. or similar. He also realizes how if this possibility occurs, O'H'd be even more affected, most definitely expelled for breaking out at night, and for the tarring. So, whilst he'd already written the lineup, he goes to Clowes for back up opinion. The 2 agree on Trevor being correct, then chatting with Milton right before curfew.

Milton is still sore about the incident of his study, Trevor realizing the League connection, and Trevor quickly telling their game day, place, and time, since Milton became distraught with the pics he'd lost. Barry and Shoeblossom are walking to school and chat about Barry's opinion on how SB should proceed with the info regarding who'd trashed Milton's room, SB not liking Barry's suggestion to inform Milton of it. So, SB is glad to relinquish the task when Barry offers to messenger the info, he doing the deed, and Milton making the process difficult for interrupting, due to at 1st not taking him seriously. He does eventually, and thanks Barry for making him privy.

Milton then narrows down his suspects to R-B, but must be patient before acting. During the game between Seymour's and Donaldson's, Barry sprains his ankle. M'Todd gets the medieval doc, and pulls at Barry's ankle, bringing forth a goodish quantity of pain, as well as the news of he definitely not being able to play for at least a couple weeks. It was then discussed of R-B possibly getting to play in his place if the other 2 judges agreed, he having upped his game the last time. So, Trevor per agreement, goes to R-B's, but decides offhandedly to see if R-B would allow him to search his study, which is agreed to once Trevor revealed his true reason for coming was to tell of he being able to play one the 1st lineup.

Unfortunately for Trevor, he doesn't discover the bat. Matches between Ripton and Wrykyn usually felt uneven due to how large the Ripton teams were, lower grades making a rumor of students being allowed to play til mid-20s. As Ripton inevitably made headway, R-B fucks them for fumbling a pass and missing an easy goal. When Clowes enters the game, their odds tip to their favor, if only briefly, but by the end, Barry'd gotten his colors for his 1st 15 cap for his work.

When Clowes learns of Barry's win, Trevor and he chat about how the League would handle it. Meanwhile, O'H and Moriarty decide to next stakeout the vault, this time they able to see 6 boys rapidly coming in and sitting. Instead of speaking, everyone lights a smoke and puffs proceed. They're interrupted by the house master, who'd see Moriarty and O'H go down, but not the 6, purely by chance. He tells the duo to come out, but the 6 do, instead. Moriarty and O'H go through a trapdoor, instead, they able to make a stop at the gym before lock up, since house master does ask at the gym next morning.

Renford discovers in the butt crack of 6am, the Vault had been locked for the 1st time, his morning ferret-feeding foiled. Harvey and Renford look so woeful, O'H notices and offers to help them extricate the animals, surprising both. O'H has to work particularly hard to be dismissed from math today, Mr. Banks tolerating a bit more than usual. O'H discovers his cap by embarrassing the man, finally being let out. He rushes to move the ferrets cage from the Vault to behind the fives-court, giving the meat Renford'd saved to the little sweeties.

O'H then quickly returns to his class door and apologizes to the Prof, as was his way. Trevor has gotten his scholarship to varsity, so had prepared his essay on the topic provided: 1 man's meat is another's poison, and had decided to leave his smartly smart ass intro, despite having to read it to the h.m.. Milton comes in to chat as he's finishing his edits to chat about having looked into where the League letters'd been posted, and both of the ancient workers couldn't ID anyone they knew by the pics Milton'd shown them, so they only knew whoever'd sent them, wasn't dark-haired. After, Trevor is waiting to see the h.m., when he overhears the conclusion of a chat between he and the mayor, they knowing of the bat, and the h.m. looking into who was owner.

Trevor allows a handful of mins to pass before going into h.m.'s office to remind of his essay, since h.m. admits to having not recollected, but agrees they should begin. Trevor gets well lucky, due to h.m. seeming to be thinking elsewhere, Trevor's quirky intro and grammar going wholly unnoticed. When h.m. is expected to round off his ultimate critique, he is vague, and generally stating of Trevor's essay being midway passable, and when he's added these vagaries on how to write his next essay, and is on his way out, h.m. confides of smoking students being at high volume. Trevor's relieved with the topic, thinking it'd be bat-related.

H.m. relates how 2 boys from his house had been caught, so Trevor was now to shakedown his house's studies, and have a good ole-fashion punishment viewing. Trevor was okay with this, since he didn't like in-school smoking. Upon confiding the news to Clowes, he's quite excited by the prospect of the airing of secrets, Trevor at first not liking it, since the boys wouldn't talk with him after this, but Clowes confesses his devotion to not neglect him, so they start with the 1st boy under the prefects, they being exempt. The 1st boy is mostly confused, the next one is a bit more stubborn, Ruthven. Clowes eventually breaks his drawer open and tosses the gold bat to Trevor. To think Ruthven had betrayed Trevor boggles his mind, since thinking they were at least acquaintance buds, and Clowes merely impressed the lad t'were capable of such shenanigans.

Clowes waits outside whilst Trevor speaks to Ruthven, he sharing what he'd been told after leaving the boy's study. Ruthven had been roped into going along with R-B's revenge, since he knew about some damning facts about Ruthven through his own stupid confession to him, so Trevor hadn't roughed him up like Clowes thought he deserved. Trevor would deal with R-B by fighting him as his retribution, Clowes not hopeful, but saying he hoped Trevor could beat him, but R-B being a decent boxer. Trevor chooses to wait a day before confronting Rand-Brown, he 1st seeing O'H for boxing tips, if he'd provide.

O'H puts into perspective what Clowes had also said, and after providing Trevor with a chance to spar with him, calculates Trevor's chance of winning again R-B being terribly slim despite fine instincts. Harvey is on his way for a bun per usual when Renford diverts him with news of a fight having occurred between R-B and O'H, the latter coming out on top after 6 rounds. When Trevor learns of this later, he's at 1st peeved, but O'H making clear he had more cause than Trevor to knock R-B out, and after this wk, it wouldn't matter, since he had been 1 of those caught in the vault smoking, and was expelled. 2 boys chat about a huge fight between a massive amount of boys, and the story was afterward covered in the Wrykyn school paper.

When O'H shows the paper to Clowes and Trevor, he notes how, since this group had been caught attempting to finish tarring the statue again, it'd be assumed they were the ones to have done it the 1st time. O'H estimates the school's rivals wouldn't have thought to mess with the statue if they hadn't done it 1st, and had him considering how else they could make use of the statue. Sunday dinner was hosted by the h.m. with the prefects invited, Trevor confirming his gold bat had remained in a drawer most of the semester, not revealing it hadn't been his own. A fine tale about sport, easy to go through, and the sport action was well-described. I can only hope I get such action from the Golf stories, ha! Soon...