Tales of the Jackalope #5

By Robert L. Crabb

In "Jackalope Junk Mail", R.L. regards his racist phraseology of #3, not trying to insult, but noting the racism in the world, and how noone, even the "good guys" were always in the right, but is "sorry" if anyone became offended... A prologue follows a wolf-y fella traveling by speedboat, and being confronted on dock by the crones of Mammy Vice, she among them, but this not stopping him long, he insulted they thought he had drugs, and believing he'd give up his suitcase, beating them up, and entering the forest. Meanwhile, Suicide and Jr. are scarfing baloney sammies, and Jr. is noting they weren't as good as they used to be, Suicide not relating. So, when Jr. chucks the remainder of his, Suicide is after it like a shot, into a bush.

As Jr. recaps from #3, and wonders where and who Ninjun was, Wolf-y grabs Suicide when he dives in, and states to Jr. of Ninjun meeting him there. Next, Jr. and Suicide are tied up in an explosives cabin, and Carlos, the Jackal intros himself, and tells the 2 of they not being safe from terrorism because they were 'Merican. Carlos then shares how Ninjun would know where he was, since he'd used this cabin as his forwarding addy, Jr. thinking how Steve Martin's phrase of comedy not being pretty, making more sense to him, now, after Carlos having lit some dynamite and stating how he hopes the cabin'd still be here for Ninjun to detect. loling at his "joke". This is when Ninjun jumps in through the window, Jr. and Suicide cheering him on to kick Carlos' booty, but Ninjun having sworn off his warrior title in favor of exchanging his life for theirs.

So, Carlos takes him by gunpoint, then chains him up as he reveals their past training years as ninjas, and Ninjun'd been infamous. He notes how Carlos'd lost to him in a fight back then, and Carlos still flummoxed on how, since he'd used a dart with drugs on them, Ninjun instead focusing on Carlos completing his bargain (a bit late). Carlos goes against his word, but must now find matches, his  lighter not working, and Ninjun taking the opp. to slither from his chains, admitting he was a snake, then explaining how he had limbs, when Jr mentions how he wasn't a lizard. Ninjun was from the Hoopi tribe, their people making hoops of themselves in battle, and welcoming the settlers til they're pushed out of their land, and given a desert, they attempting to work it, they finding coal, oil, and other useful rocks.

The treaty they currently were apart of stating they could be pushed out again, which they were. Ninjun finds hope in reading and wanting to become a ninja for his tribe, he traveling to the far-East in disguise of coat. The ninja school can't have him for not having arms or legs, Ninjun almost giving up, but being led by a voice to not give up, he discovering a house which fed him, and gave hima gift which he'd pay for in the future, now able to go to the ninja school where he met Carlos. Before he could go help his people, the voice shows his form, and tells of the price, he hearing it from a brain attached to electrical equip., starting as a human, and being sent to work alone whilst a lengthy war was on.

A huge skyfire damages his body, and eventually monks who care for him separate the body from his brain, he having been able to create a cosmic capsule, an anti-weapon, which he plans to name a protector for, Ninjun accepting, and Carlos stealing it, but Ninjun reclaiming it. Suicide points out he hasn't answered the simpler q about his limbs, the brain having designed a bionic 2 arm, leg combo, and Ninjun's training fine-tuning his ability, this why he wasn't a warrior, only able to protect the capsule with peaceful practices, up til the message from Carlos, anyways. Carlos then pops up, and shoots Ninjun, Suicide and Jr nearly out the door on Ninjun's behest, when the dynamite blows them out the door rather than up. Ninjun and Carlos both survive, the latter throwing Suicide into the distance as he propositions Ninjun to fight on his team, but Ninjun now hearing his tribe, they coming to his aid, and Carlos escaping by balloon from his suitcase.

Ninjun's metaphor on letting go of Carlos' temporary escape doesn't mean he wouldn't soon face what he was scared of: his PAST!!! Jr. is confused by his game show metaphor, but deals with it. Ninjun announces he'll be returning home to recuperate before continuing his peaceful mission, Jr. and Suicide contemplating their next meal! Carlos has a rough landing, but makes it almost all the way back to his boat before falling into a trap -literally-, breaking his sprained leg, and Mammy standing above him, and pouring snakes into the pit with him. Not the right game show door for him! A quick 1, funny-ish, and still fairly palatable, so on I go!