Tales of the Jackalope #4

By Robert L. Crabb

Jr. is shown rushing through the forest like March Hare, but he's late for an "intoxicating date". Suicide had offered to buy a round at the bar, but as Jr's running, someone else is hurrying on a separate, but soon-to-be intersecting path, the fella running away from a few someones. As Jr. decides on the drink he was going to order, the 2 collide. The fella passes out, and Jr. wonders why he'd been high-tailing it, when some chickens come over with shotguns, calling the fella a killer. When fella comes to, he denies the "henocide" and had been set up.

The leadchicken decides they should take him out immediately, rather than imprison him, Jr attempting to reason with them, and inadvertently becomes the fella's representation. The 2 are escorted back to Farmer Brown's farm and makes the 2 stay in the chicken coop for an hr of prep. Jr asks for the deets and Brown gives back-story on how terribly his business was going, he only selling eggs, and the trouble starting last year. Brown began using a vitamin-aid to increase egg-size and quantity, but also noticed the change in the chickens behavior, which he ignored due to finally getting out of debt.

Well, the chickens were preparing for rebellion by swiping books from Brown, and schooling their brethren, they putting into motion their own democracy, which Brown was forced to follow. 2 parties had differing opinions, but Brown's presence'd been begrudgingly accepted, until Brown spoke to their council about requesting to sell extra eggs, due to consumption needs, which there'd been opposition, but was overruled and agreed to accept for being best for them all. Unfortunately, the naysayers soon had control and egg sales were shut down, so when they start counting eggs and some go missing, they auto-blame Brown. Jr leaves to gather necessaries, and when returning to the court, he notices how it was a chx jury and cow judge. The nay-saying southern-accented chicken decides Brown is guilty because he ran off, and should fry for it!

Jr goes with a "Which came first" defense and whether an egg constitutes being a chx, but Jr's attempt to muddle the issue doesn't affect the guilty verdict, and when the sentence is auto-death, Jr. requests appeal. Cow judge denies this immediately for having too many other cases waiting, and Brown accepts his fate. When the opposing counsel rubs Jr's nose in it, he's in mid-chokehold when some hens come forward, and take responsibility for taking eggs, but the judge says the verdict was made, so Jr. slings an egg from evidence at opposing counsel's face, and walks off dejectedly to claim his beer, without accompanying egg.

Meanwhile, at the bar Suicide is getting sloshed and wondering where Jr. is, he wishing to unload his issues upon him. He's overheard by a bug, who thinks he's well enough, since he had cash to spend , and 2 others join in when Suicide nearly falls out of his chair. Suicide is grateful enough to offer the pair a drink, this getting Suicide and the 2 kicked out, due to not handing over the cash for his tab. The 2 start arguing about how they couldn't use Suicide for cash for their club, since he obv. didn't have any. As they continue, the bug who overheard, Humbug, intros himself, and pulls out a bot, Suicide planning on sloshing the arguing pair, 2 the amusement of Humbug. This breaks up their fight and the 2 agree to waive their 2-member club fee for the quadruple A: Anti-Social Anarchist Animals Anonymous, Suicide adding "Algaholig".

They show him their HQ, entrance by outhouse, and the ride down, doesn't do Suicide's upchucking restraint any good, but the 2 are able to get away from him since he'd waited til they'd gotten to the bottom. Suicide is properly impressed with the spacious room, Carl the mole having dug it, and George, the dog explaining the reason they didn't have much furniture, yet. As the drinking commences, Carl becomes melancholic, then filled with furious righteousness. After, George becomes wistful, and unsettled with not making it in his chosen career. Carl takes over again til getting so incensed, Suicide has to compliment his digging abilities, but then Humbug puts in his 2 cents, which looks as if it's coming from Suicide.

HB calls out Carl on his con and gets Suicide kicked out, George coming to his aid when Suicide asks, but HB messing it up for him, and George running off, leaving Carl holding up Suicide with a pistol, thinking he was a gov't agent, but HB showing himself before Suicide gets shot, he running out with HB with him. Suicide decides to nap under a tree, and when Jr shows up, HB hides under Suicide's hat and opens his eyes, telling Jr to go ask for a drink under his tab at the bar, HB getting the last word on how it seemed odd how people couldn't believe bugs will inherit the Erf.

After are Crabman's research on Jackalopes, including semi-informative postcards, hunting license specific for jackalopes, figurines, and supposed mounted bodies/heads for sale as well as bars which contain them. It ends with the author requesting new ideas for jackalope info.

K... Cyoot. At least it wasn't politically driven this time; will definitely teach a kid the unfairness of our job/court system.