Tales of the Jackalope #3

By Robert L. Crabb

Seacow, the ship is in typhoon conditions, Suicide with Jr. are taking cover in the dinghy hanging off the ship, Suicide guessing it was lightening up when the boat falls into the water, and the 2 argue about the true culprit for hwhy they were in this mess, it starting with a postcard from Jr's cousin, One-Eyed Jack, who was in trouble over a capsule. Suicide then alludes to feeling seasick, which segues into the 2 reaching land, and don't wait long before Suicide sees someone approach, he attempting a friendly greeting, as well as inquiry to a bar. The dog-looking fella dressed Arabic robe-style, is shocked by their being from out-of-town, along with their illegal talk of booze. The fella urges them to leave his dangerous country, Ilibystine, Jr. recognizing it as where they needed to locate his cuz.

The fella tries to explain how unwelcoming their nation is, but biffs off upon getting a good look at Jr's horns. Suicide decides to use the fella's dropped laundry as their stanky ass disguises. When they get to "town", it's the typical Americanized scene of Middle Eastern war, Suicide bringing attention to them both when he drenches Jr with water when his hat goes aflame (perhaps it's Jr's fault? haha!), the people seeing Jr's horns, and going ape. A duck soldier takes control and instructs them to go to Khadafy Duck to be dismembered, the 2 being noticed by a possible ally.

They meet another duck speeding about on a Soviet Rolls, he leading them back to his tent to speak on their reasons for coming, and in the guise of now referring to them as guests. Next, Suicide and Jr are chained to the wall, and Khadafy has begun to show his seriousness toward interrogation tactics, but being interrupted by the tall old bird on the cover, Ayatollah Khokamami, and noting Jr's looking like the 1st spy this guy brought in. Ayatollah q's why Khadafy presumes to speak with them 1st, he replying with some b.s., but admits learning nothing, Ayatollah speaking to Jr about teaching tourists to keep their noses out of their country's bidness. Ayatollah then explains how their were so many opposing sides in their land, everyone fought with the other and only joined up when outsiders were involved, they all enjoying this way of life.

As Ayatollah tells of how far back foreigners got in the way of their life choices, Khadafy wonders why Ayatollah didn't just want him to take them out instead of bore him silly. Ayatollah continues though, regarding the ultimate war and how both Khadafy and he planned to exclude the other when total rule was achieved, Khadafy then requesting Jr tell them where the capsule was, Ayatollah clarifying how a horned beast'd swiped it from them, Suicide and Jr's stalker then coming in to specify how the capsule had gone to its correct protector, another larger bull-looking fella overpowering both Khadafy and Ayatollah. The skinny masked intruder intros the both of them, after noting they'd saved the incorrect jackalope, the large guy known as, Mr. T-Bone (he does look like Mr. T, for a bull). As Ninjun tells of looking for 1-eyed Jack, Khadafy and Ayatollah escape through a hidden door, Ayatollah declaring they'd never find him.

Ninjun deduces they must be keeping him at the Tower of Babble, Jr giving Suicide the option to sit out, but not accepting it for being Suicide-al. As they hurry along Ninjun answers hwhy the tower got its name being from the prisoners being expected to chat til death. Ninjun makes the 1st move to entering past the tower guards, he too quick for them as he approaches them straight from the entrance. When they follow him in, he conks them out, everyone making it to where they held 1-eyed Jack, who'd been tortured with hot-foot, tickles, and the KISS discography, the last almost making him break. Jack then explains how he'd gotten into the spy business being when he'd been hired by Republicans to kidnap Kennedy, not even getting paid, but also failing.

Jack then reveals he'd actually gottne the capsule, and gives it to Ninjun. Khadafy and Ayatollah meanwhile, celebrating how they'd masterminded the whole thing in order to get the capsule brought to them, it summoning a large Eagle and Bear, the 2 fighting to the death, and Mr. T-Bone picking a fight with Khadafy at the same moment. Ninjun sees Mr. T-Bone's signal and releases the capsule by arrow, and bunches of people fall from the sky, this being a war-ender, everyone standing together to literally spell out "PEACE" to end the conflict between Eagle and Bear. Cyoot, and serious, but upbeat, I guess. I'll continue on since it's half finished anyways.