Tales of the Jackalope #2

By Robert L. Crabb

Squirrel is hella happy about Spring and sings Mr. Roger's theme as a sign of his joy. He walks to the dead clunker car Jr has made his home from, but is soon crying for vendetta when his attempts to wake his bud is met with getting clocked, so Suicide moves his home to the middle of the river. Suicide didn't conserve his timing in congrats-ing himself, since he'd gotten the car in mid-air when realizing he should be watching from outside, and jumps out to ker-splat next to the car on a rock nearby, the car landing on a larger rock, and the landing waking Jr.. He thinks what Suicide'd done was a dream, til he looks around, falls out, and hopes stream sharks were only legend, he babbling for Suicide to get him out of the water when he resurfaces, neither seeing the shark take a chomp at Jr's foot when he'd gotten out.

Jr relates how he'd been told the story by gypsy jackalopes, Suicide sticking his head underwater to prove there weren't any, but comes out having to prove it to himself now, as well. The shark doesn't make any pretense now, and comes up to admit he had plenty of time to wait for them. Jr recounts another part of his memory including their possible escape by correctly answering a riddle, the shark confirming this, and stating the riddle. Suicide gets it ezily, the shark offering them a ride to shore when Suicide mentions being unable to swim.

Jr gets suspicious too late, and the 2 notice the shark was carrying them to deeper water, and going under, Jr discovering his drive as the shark lunges for him, Jr hopping himself out with Suicide, and into a tree, and Stream Shark getting left in a little pond, Jr asking about how they'd started in the river, and Suicide mentioning an earthquake, marking the end of their escapade. Following, are a few single spreads, the 1st about a man catching a giant jackalope, another about the stream shark, and jackalope mating calls, and the 3rd about Jackalope Day, and a new statue being erected to replace the 1 a drunk driver claimed to have jump in front of him.

The 2nd story starts with Suicide looking through binocular's and thinking he could hear Halley's comet. Jr states this wasn't possible, just before a fella on an ATV stops by them apologizing and offering to share his telescope with them and the old fella, Twain, standing nearby. The young man and he soon go off upon the topic of gov't and how it changing would require a purity not in natural existence, Twain stating how much sense it made for man to start rich and die poor, since he wouldn't need money anyways. All of this goes over the heads of Jr and Suicide, which is fine, since they aren't human.

The young man then loses his hair, fancy shoes, expensive jacket, and hair when his warranty expires at 12 a.m., he biffing off, since he'd been laid off for outsourcing. Twain leaves on an ethereal riverboat along with Halley's comet like he'd come into the world. Cutesy stories for sure, and still no Bigfoot, hm!