Sideways

By Rex Pickett

We are immediately thrust into the packing of the Narrator to join his buddy, Jack on a road trip to wine country before getting married in ten days and whilst this trip was over the Narrator's budget, he needed the vacay due to his stressed reactions to living in L.A.; (I can relate), this all happening on a Friday and each Chapter stating the day we are witnessing. Then the Narrator gets a call which doesn't give Caller I.D., so when he hears the message from his landlord, Roman who is begrudgingly threatening eviction for being late on rent which then prompts the Narrator, Miles to turn down the volume of the playing message since he'd heard this speech before, we learn this is nothing new for him. We also get a display of the first word I have no clue of the meaning to: jeremiad, a long and mournful complaint, which is referring to Roman's prolonged message. Miles continues his packing which consisted of an encompassing companion of wine as well as a couple other novels he didn't plan on reading, then getting a phone call from his agent, Evelyn who was phoning to inform Miles of the potentially good news of an editor liked his book and would be passing it along to other senior editors for perusal and approval, the novel in question being one which had been passed around for the past year to any takers for publishing.

Miles wasn't going to get his hopes up, but then divulges he's about to go on a trip, she asking where and if he had any writing done, besides. He fibbing about having something epic around the corner, we then learning of his divorce and ex-girlfriend which hadn't lasted long, she then giving him encouraging words and they hanging up, Miles trying to stay optimistic. He gets on his way to the meeting spot where Jack agreed to find him, it being at a wine-tasting spot they'd been to before, we getting more details on it's neighboring businesses as well as the place itself and it being the perfect spot to taste the vast selection after the owner went home for the wine connoisseur feeling his salary a sick joke. We then learn Miles' soft spot for a particular wine.

Miles is then greeted by the regulars, he noticing it was already lively and then giving introductions to those he knew, he then notices three non-regular young females who were conversing in their own little party. After Miles asks some preliminary questions about the wine they'd chosen and if they liked the same wine he did, without saying it was his favorite and getting a unfavorable answer, he leaves them alone and continues his wine-tasting which we are given the facts of their vineyard location and flavor. As Miles talks with Carl, who'd come back from Spain, he's told one of the dark-haired girl's friends who hadn't liked Pinot was staring and smiling at him, but he not actually interested since they didn't have the same taste in wine, which led him into asking why one of the other regulars, Jerry was schmoozing it up with the dark-headed lady. He getting an answer only horse-shoed back to how he should be acting if he ever wanted to be in a relationship again, the afternoon moving on after and Miles waiting for Jack to arrive.

Another regular shows up, Dani, an Australian looker who would go around without a bra, apparently, greeting Miles with a close hug which made him swoon for not being close to a woman for so long. They chat whilst getting more buzzed and Miles shares of the good news of his rep. calling which elicits a request of wanting to read his book from Dani, who apparently has said this before and nothing has ever been done about it, after which Miles misreads her closing in near his face to mean she was going in for a kiss and it actually being a covert whisper about Jerry making his "killer" move. Not long after when Miles is a little more properly sloshed, he gives the information to Dani if she and her fiancé didn't work out, she should give him a ring which prompts her to giving him a serious looking kiss in front of the crowd around them, but the two knowing if anything else were to be done, it would ruin their friendship, so they make light of their moment until Miles vaguely hears Jerry, the man who was talking to one of the young new wine-tasters make a comment about Miles he didn't quite like the sound of and decided to put reality into their world by inquiring of Jerry's wife.

The three ladies, surprised and disgusted all leave after Jerry tries to back-pedal with the comment he wasn't wearing a ring and Dani finds the whole moment hilarious. Jerry stalks off, but Miles doesn't let him off the hook easily when they share a look, making another comment involving his wife which gets everyone in the tasting area laughing, egging Jerry to return and get physical with Miles which then gets Graham to come in to angrily disengage the two. Jerry is directed out of the store and then Jack makes his long awaited entrance, getting caught up on the story and how Jerry had a tendency to piggyback dates off of Miles current love interests. Graham then, to help celebrate and start Jack and Miles vacation brought out a personal bottle of "sparkling wine" of the Pinot variety, Dani having a taste and after being invited with the boys on their trip, declining, and leaving them to their group talk.

Graham then mentions how he'd seen Miles' ex-wife inside the wine store recently, Miles having to pretend he didn't care and getting the idea she hadn't been alone and was buying some wine, Jack and he then leaving after making their own purchases and Jack insisting on driving Miles' vehicle since he was obviously well into the sauce-y side of his drink, his behavior so far in the wine-tasting spurring on he'd be too far gone to start their drive and it being the vehicle-of-choice for their trip. Jack drives them along a couple of freeways until almost hitting some cars in front of him when he decides to wash Miles' windshield, then trying to make conversation by asking about what life had going on for Miles, he revealing the optimistic publishing deal, we then learning a bit more about Jack and his fiancée's up-down relationship and Miles' inability to get why they were getting married. Jack then goes fishing for a bottle of wine which completely wets Miles eyeballs for its rare and point driven greatness, Jack wanting to open it and being dissuaded by Miles, they going for a less important vintage and toasting to good times to come. Miles then informs Jack of needing to make a slight detour to his mother's home, it being her birthday and needing to go wish her a happy one since it was relatively on their way, Jack consenting and insisting Miles get her a proper gift of flowers, not only the wine he'd purchased.

We then get a rundown of what was going on in his mother's life, it not being much since his father died, but she living comfortably with her small dog and when they arrive, she not at first recognizing her son, but then surprised he'd gotten her flowers since he hadn't before, she then inviting them in. After Jack and he look at some of his old photos his mother had hanging, they join her outside on the patio for drinks. Jack entertains Miles mother with his news of marriage and how Miles was his best man, his mother then confiding a sultry tale from her past, Miles bowing out and letting Jack take the brunt of her flashback, he going back indoors to carry out his true purpose for going to his mother's, being to get into a safe, but forgetting the year his mother was born stopping his would-be theft and gets Jack's attention to see if he could weasel the information out of her. Jack is successful and chiding Miles on his inability to remembering the easy number, Miles going back to the study to open the safe and withdrawing the needed amount within whilst Jack entertained his mother for a few more minutes.

When Miles is done, they all go inside for dinner and Miles goes to the car for more wine. They eat and drink heartily, his mother digressing into Miles saving his soul and believing he didn't go to church enough, he assuring her of his stability and then making for the bathroom, overhearing his mother and Jack talking of how he was doing. When he returns, she offers him money in case he needed it, he declining, then thinking her dog is being kind, deciding to try and rub his belly, but gets bit instead and pours himself another drink. The two wake early in the morning, not realizing at first they are still at Miles' mother's home and when they get their bearings, Miles writes a quick note of farewell, debates on raiding his mother's cash stash once more, figuring once is good enough and they moving out to the car, groping for sunglasses within for the raging hangovers they both sported, Jack wanting breakfast.

They stop at a coffee shop and Miles takes the opportunity to wait for the bank nearby to open so he can make the money-order needed to keep him from getting evicted, whilst also discussing why the waitress wasn't sexy to Miles because of her age, but how Jack didn't feel the same way, arguing the construction workers she was also waiting on were of the same opinion. After Miles makes his call to his landlord to inform of the incoming money-order, they are on their way to Santa Ynez Valley and when they get there, instead of setting up camp at a motel, they go straight to a vineyard for a tasting, Miles coaching Jack on how he expected him to swirl-air-swallow the wine with each tasting, Jack completely ready to employ his instructions. Miles then purchases a wine which is highly spoken about and they taste it outside with Jack bringing sandwiches, they discussing what Miles was actually looking for to prove he wasn't picky about the kind of woman he'd get into a relationship with. They then pick a motel to stay at and head back out once Jack has figured what kind of masseuse he could hire for later, they then getting into a chat about the waitress Jack was eyeing from the bar, Miles confessing how he knew she was married and had found this out from a previous visit, she and her husband having difficulties, but not remembering the specifics.

Jack couldn't let go Miles knew this goddess-of-womanhood and tried to stoke the flames, but failing and they eating their meals and walking back to their motel; I must digress to the facts which there are many minor conversations which move this story along, as well, but my review is already looking beefy, but this plot is quite smooth as it goes along and one should definitely read it if looking for an informative and buddy-buddy themed story. Jack then decides they must continue the night partying and Miles figured the best place for it would be back at the motel bar, Miles getting them some wine and Jack calling his fiancée, he getting mad and needing to call back for having hung up on her, this being when Miles is introduced to another bar-drinker who invites him boar-hunting, but Miles respectfully declines. When Jack gets back from his phone call which began with voice-mail, Maya comes in and Jack again resumes his role as wing-man. Miles then feels the urge to try karaoke and when returning discovers Jack has talked him up to Maya about being on the verge of publication and wanting to know what their plans were for the night, Miles completely blowing it by saying they'll be returning to their room to crash, she bowing out quickly enough and the both returning to their room, Jack giving Miles crap for his blatancy and how Maya wasn't wearing her wedding ring at the bar. When they get into their room, Jack advises Miles to not answer their room phone under any circumstances, it already blinking, Miles then asking again what was up between he and his fiancée, instead of an answer they both call it a night, Miles waking later to relieve himself into a cup on the nightstand since Jack was talking in the bathroom and he being surprised by the contents later on.

They awaken in mid-afternoon to get some lunch and Jack takes the opportunity to lay into Miles for messing up the night for them both. Jack then confides how serious he was to get laid once more before the big ax fell, they finishing their meals and heading to their next vineyard. They realize they'd arrived too early and had to wait an hour, Jack then confessing why he and his fiancée, Babs were having arguments, it being about Miles being the best man, his ex-wife being at the wedding and how she'd gotten remarried the week before, Jack trying to work it out so he wouldn't have to give Miles up for his best man. When the tasting-room opens, Miles decides on the wine which seems will continue to become tastier as they savored and feels better about the news Jack had unloaded on him, after their picnic, moving to another vineyard.

The next place they hit strikes out, but the one after seemed to go better, until the wine-pourer approaches the two for seeming to be getting louder than the rest and having a hilarious time, Miles calling where she was from by how she looked before she began speaking, which confirmed his supposition. Jack took aim, though and made the wine-pourer, Terra, his new mark and being successful at the play, as well whilst Miles stood disgustedly to the side as his conscience, ignored. When Terra moves away for a moment to pour for the only other people in the room, Jack confirms of closing the deal for them both when it came to Terra and Maya, Miles giving up his cause when he saw how much Terra seemed to be interested. They leave after Jack gets Terra's number, she knowing Maya and helping Jack hook up a double date for them all later, hopefully.

Jack laying in on Miles for almost confessing to Terra his impending wedding and not to talk to the ladies of it anymore. When they go for lunch, Jack gets the confirmation call to their date, Miles surprised it was actually happening. They get back to their room and nap until nightfall, the both getting ready, Jack taking a phone call from Babs and preparing for their date. When they get to the restaurant of choice, Jack gives Miles an uplifting coaching as to the story Miles was to stick with and try to keep him level-headed due to having had a couple drinks before arriving, they go inside and greet the ladies, the night starting well and optimistically. The night begins to wind down for Miles when he goes past the point of no return and gets a bit more sloshed, adjourning to the bathroom when he sees Jack get the moves made on him and he accidentally entering the ladies room, making a call to his ex which doesn't end well, returning to the table and falling to the floor when trying to sit down, the ladies making a visit to the restroom whilst Jack tried to get Miles back on track.

The ladies come back and Terra offers they sojourn to hers for night-caps, etc. She leaving with Maya and giving directions to Jack who was about to be surprised by the hefty bill they'd built. They get to Terra's in one piece, but the directions being a little mystifying with the darkened roads and once getting in, Miles still in a funk and wanting to be alone, but Jack moving him along until they each had a room with their ladies. Miles talking wine with Maya and Terra and Jack having fun with Tom Jones. After talking for awhile in the kitchen, they hear Terra and Jack move off into the bedroom and they migrate to the couch to be more comfortable and continue their drifting conversation.

Maya makes the first move on Miles which he doesn't want to get too caught up in, but doesn't ruin, they having a pleasant evening. Miles wakes in his motel room, with Maya's bag on a chair and he not smelling anything, but probably a bit of, body odor. He then wonders where Jack is and how thinking about Jack cheating on his fiancée with one of her friends, made him ill. Then Maya knocks on the bathroom door and walks in, offering coffee and croissants, Miles only having the stomach for coffee.

She confesses to him she liked him, but they didn't "get dirty" together, he glad of it since he wouldn't have been able to remember it anyways, after she leaves, he going to the pancake house. After making his order of the same oatmeal and coffee to the same waitress as last time, Miles then goes over what he was going to do when it came to stepping down as best man, Jack coming in after he began thinking of the messages which had been left at their motel, one being from his ex-wife about what they'd talked about in their last phone call, it making him feel crappy. Miles then gives Jack his messages, he commanding Jack call her right then, being told to leave the room, which he did willingly they both agreeing the golf course would be their next point of interest, Jack wanting to stop at the next winery for a drink, but Miles not stopping since knowing they would be closed and he not planning on drinking until later. When they get ready to golf, Miles makes the deal with Jack if he didn't cheat he'd give him "six strokes a side", which I'm unfamiliar with the meaning of.

It seems Jack is close to winning until he makes a big mistake which loses him the game, Jack then confessing how he might need to see Terra again which upsets Miles, but in the end having to forgive him for charming him again. Miles then gets mad at Miles again for making a second date for them at the Hitching Post, Miles opting to go to a movie instead, after which driving by the Hitching Post then deciding to head toward Solvang. When he gets back to the motel, Jack still hasn't come back, but the red light on the phone for messages was flashing and he found out he was pretty popular, having messages from Jack, Maya and Babs for him and Babs for Jack, Miles returning only Maya's call. Miles goes for a ride after breakfast since Jack wasn't at the motel still, but when he returns he discovers Jack in the throes, with Terra, they laughing at being interrupted and Miles quickly moving back out of the room.

Jack and Terra then meet Miles in the bar, she leaving not long after they sit and then Miles getting into Jack about his tryst with Terra, he believing he was now in love and may need to postpone the wedding. Jack walks off when Miles goes to the restroom, he then seeing Brad once more who offered again to take him boar hunting, Jack is seen talking on his cell and Miles decides to wait to see if Jack wanted to come, Jack having already made plans for them at Terra's later. Miles wins this argument though and they prepare by getting some wine and Jack following the boar-hunter's truck to his shooting spot, complaining the whole way there about wanting to ditch him and go to Terra's place instead. When they cut away to another trail and park at a spot overlooking Brad's truck, they have a few moments of being able to drink and Jack begins to wonder where Brad was, they then getting a good idea when shots are heard and puffs of dirt are unsettled near them, Jack running off and Miles following, the former realizing Brad seems to be shooting at them.

Miles isn't entirely convinced until he goes back to the car and tries to shout at Brad who is hidden in the foliage, getting shot at again and returning to Jack to figure out a game-plan, being to return with Miles to see if they can talk to Brad together, but when they see him near Miles' jeep, they go with Miles' plan of Jack waiting for him to shout out a greeting to Brad and then come up behind him with the wine bottle and whack him good with it. Miles gets up to where he can see Brad is rooting around his car, he calling out and Jack coming out to learn Brad was unarmed, he changing his tactic into a body slam getting Brad on the ground and the duo being in charge of the little slime who was claiming he was only trying to scare them. Miles and Jack have their chance to return the favor and Miles then offers Brad a deal which involved taxiing them around on the day of the wine festival, Brad of course being interested by this point. They relieve him of his gun and wallet to motivate him to meet them on the day and time requested, the two going back to the motel and Jack realizing he'd hurt his ribs somehow, Miles still making him laugh and Jack having to beg him to stop, this after Jack tries to have a considerate conversation about Miles thoughts on the ability to love someone for life.

The next day Miles takes Jack to the hospital to get examined for his hurt rib, Miles reading a question and answer section in a women's magazine to sense how one could determine whether their spouse was having an affair, which Miles rationalized the cause of its commonness. He tries a self-esteem test after assessing the waiting room of its other occupants which told of how dark his emotions might be, then deciding to check his messages which had another from his ex Victoria and various others. Jack returns more pissed off with the news of a fracture to his ribs and a quip from Miles which gets him angrier and once Miles lightens his mood a little he offers they go to Hearst Castle, Miles reserving their spot on a pay phone whilst Jack called Babs and when Miles returns, notices his worried look, asking Miles if he'd talked with Babs and whether he could've said something damaging about Jack to Miles' ex-wife, Victoria, Miles claiming he wouldn't have done whilst smashed. They go to a restaurant and discuss some of the reasons why Miles was annoyed with Jack, one being he'd been surprised by Jack getting dirty with Terra on his bed, they ordering their food, neglecting wine as they'd promised, quickly eating and leaving for the castle.

When they reach the tour bus, Miles isn't enchanted with the ride what with the group he was touring with, but when they got out and were led around the grounds and lastly inside, it became surreal as to how someone would actually live in the now historical museum. Jack saw it differently, believing it was the perfect example of American aspiration, wanting something similar for himself and asking Miles why he wouldn't, upon the answer questioning everyone on the bus if they had a drink for his obviously in-need friend and upon getting no takers, sits down. When they return where they began Miles suggests they go to Babcock Winery, Jack agreeing wholeheartedly. They get there not long before closing, but the pourer indulges them and they thank him by buying a case of wine plus a bottle of another which seemed to make their heads spin.

They hang around outside after the Winery closes, Jack calling Terra to see if she and Maya were interested in hooking up for dinner, Miles walking off and Jack sharing the details after, Miles taking him down with how his opinion seemed to change again even after their run in with the boar-hunter, but trying to stay positive as to Jack's ultimate fidelity once married. When they go to meet the ladies at the designated restaurant, Miles notices some differences in the ladies' appearances as he sees them, most likely due to his less severe alcoholic state. When the ladies go to confer, Jack confides in Miles of his decision with Babs to invest a pretty hefty amount toward Miles' writing career, which he promptly turns down, Jack trying to get him to accept with the knowledge of what he and his future wife stood to gain upon their marriage vows. Terra then comes back to proposition a spa on the boys, Miles being the one to ultimately decide and agreeing they should after he reasoned how Jack and Babs' generous investment would leave him unfettered and less stressed about paying his mother and creditors back.

They stop at their hotel room after Maya gets off work and grab their bathing suits, Maya showing Miles the wine she'd brought, making him blaspheme God with its rarity. When they arrive at the spa, they swiftly change into their suits and get to cracking open the wine, everyone reveling in its blend. Soon Jack and Terra take command of the cabana reserved and Maya gets herself worked up over Miles who is torn by the dishonesty he had to keep away from Maya, but ultimately falls in line with her way of thinking, especially when she gets a room of their own and he goes about getting down, the way she had for him in the Jacuzzi, we getting a new description for the bean all the guys who strive for it want to bag and then they getting to the dirty with no safety net; which surprises me. When they all reconvene at their car and Miles is dropped off with Maya and Jack stays with Terra, Miles invites Maya inside and they get close, Miles realizing he's falling for her and deciding to confess Jack's nasty secret, Maya not taking it well since Jack had severely lied to Terra, she knowing Terra would be exceptionally hurt by this reality.

After they go to sleep and Terra wakes up around dawn, she confesses a pretty exceptional deal herself, leaving Miles with his own betrayal to deal with. When Jack comes into the motel room a bit later, Miles greets him with a kiss from his fist to Jack's face laying him out on the floor and bewildered as to why Miles would make him bleed so profusely, Miles being quite clear as to the why and wondering what Jack's explanation could be, he revealing how the idea of paying Maya was Terra's idea. After he further explains his reasoning, Miles is starting to get it, but not able to move past it, furthermore, Jack is starting to detect his nose may be broken from his tap, Miles driving him once more to the hospital and getting the news from the doctor it well may be broken and getting Jack's nose x-rayed to be certain. After an hour wait Miles is told Jack is going to need more work on his nose if he didn't want to have a honker forever, his look in the car when adding his sunglasses making Miles bust into uncontrolled laughter and their friendship on the mend, they both going golfing in preference to another winery and having some fun when a couple of golfers try to mess with them.

When they get back to their motel room, Jack notices Terra's car and starts freaking out she was in their room, Miles still not having told him he'd spilled the beans to Maya, but trying to get him to go in and talk with her, they both walking closer, but Jack periodically stopping with apprehension which we soon observe is founded when Terra makes her presence felt by shooting off Brad's rifle and chasing the two away, Jack stopping to plead forgiveness, she too hurt and angered by his betrayal. She leaves him with a couple more injuries before the cops arrive and Jack comes up with a decent enough story to cover up the shooting. When the cops leave, Jack decides to surprise Miles with an impromptu cover story, Miles car needing to match and he getting extremely pissed off in the process even though Jack tried mollifying him with being the one to pay for the damage. They go to eat at a café and Jack tries to amend the situation by letting Miles choose whatever he wanted to drink and then obtaining another woman to sooth his sorrows with for the night, getting Miles to drive him to hers and pick him up for the festival in the morning.

At dawn Miles is awakened by Jack pounding on the door and yelling for him, he too groggy to get why he'd be at the door, getting his story about how he'd had to bolt from the bartender's home early in the morning because she was married and her husband had walked in, Jack thinking Miles should help him get back over there to retrieve his wallet, left with his clothes in the adulteress' house, Miles thinking he was Planter's nuts. He starts the drive after Jack confides he'd had the two wedding rings in his wallet, they being irreplaceable, but unfortunately Miles still being torn about this terrible plan. Miles eventually gets talked into doing Jack's dirty work of the retrieval of his wallet. He then notices the partially opened sliding glass door and hears odd noises from inside, barely audible, but also noticing what looked like Jack's jeans draped over a chair.

The wallet wasn't inside though and ended up being in a spot which the husband and wife would both see it being swiped, Miles taking what seemed like the best moment to try to pinch it, but ultimately ending up in the pool out front at the end of his oxygen supply, being put in the position by the angered husband. Jack comes to his rescue and they drive back to Buellton for a celebratory breakfast before the wine festival began. Brad is waiting for them when they finish and Miles checks his messages before they get started to the festival, one message being from his agent, who he postponed the return call to until he'd had a couple of tastings. They get on their way, but Jack stops their proceeding when he notices Miles is in an introspective mood, they taking a walk in a field and Miles coming clean as to why he was acting distant, conceding to Jack he didn't want to be his best man, Jack trying to convince him and failing, Miles finally agreeing after Jack decides he won't get married unless Miles is present as his best man, the three continuing on their journey to the wine festival.

When they finally arrive and realize the crowd they would be contending with at the tasting areas, Miles not only is told of Maya being nearby, but decides to call his agent at last for the news. When he gets off the phone he tries a different wine and Maya is seen speaking with Jack, he getting acknowledgment from Maya. Miles then makes a scene by chugging from the spit bucket since the wine pourer wouldn't fill his glass and kept him from drinking the one he'd poured himself. Jack comes to his rescue once more and he helps him out where Brad then helps them both get back to his car to take him to the ocean upon request.

Miles being completely wasted by now, fought to get into the water, Jack having to drag him back to shore, Miles than throwing up the nasty leftovers of other people's spit and asking whether it was true Jack had spoken with Maya about accompanying him to the wedding, he confirming and she wanting him to call her for specifics. They get some dinner before making their journey to Los Olivos where the impending wedding would be held, Jack admitting he'd somehow hurt his ankle chasing Miles into the ocean. When morning arrives, Jack and Miles revisit the hospital once more, now having an awkwardly joke-y rapport with the intern, Jack learning out he'd fractured his ankle and would have to get it set. Jack comes out from his high on Vicodan and before they get all the way to Paso Robles for the wedding Jack surprises Miles with one more piece of damage to his car to fortify their story for his injuries.

When they arrive at Babs' parents place, Miles drops Jack off and checks into a motel as quickly as possible, getting some dinner and retiring to his room, letting Jack know his number when he got back. He gets a call from Jack after he'd gone to sleep, he hoping Miles would dance with Babs at the reception for not being able to himself, Jack professing how grateful he was for the time they'd had and Miles agreeing to his request, he then receiving a call back from Maya, who turns his invitation to be his date down for having to work, she trying to get to the bottom of what Miles actually felt for her and he being honest. She shares him what she believed his true feelings were and then giving him hope by asking the details for the reception, letting him be optimistic she'll at least think about joining him. Miles gets through the wedding without cracking up and remembers he promised to dance with Babs otherwise would have split after the vows.

At the reception, Miles dances with Babs and uncovers more of her misgivings to their story about how Jack got broken and also finally gets a close-up look of his ex and her new husband, revealing more news which solidified they truly having separate lives now. Maya surprises Miles by showing up after he'd gotten a few drinks in him and she gets him to come with her to a quiet spot to talk privately, outside the wedding party. We're left with Miles having a moment of clarity and Maya's thoughts on the newlyweds longevity. This story was so easy to read the plot almost seems inconsequential, but it was funny and worth it overall and I'll probably end up checking out further works by Rex Pickett.