Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit
By P.G. Wodehouse
Bertie was currently bathing and dreading hosting a couple of his Aunt Dahlia's friends. He wanted to impress, ofc, for this was his beloved Aunt, but she admitted they'd be a bore. Jeeves was currently on holiday for summer, so this only lowers Bertie's self worth, but then his trusty man walks into his bedroom, he hearing from tub-side, as he drops off a piece of mail, Bertie assuming Jeeves would be going to his club. Before they parted though, Bertie has Jeeves relate the letter, it being from a Percy Gorrige wanting to be givena thousand pounds.
Jeeves continues once he's met with confusion, Percy being a step-son to Trotter, the peeps he was entertaining later. The man would put it toward his play, Bertie suspicious, and then confirming with Jeeves his best course being to deny the request. Upon dressing and a revitalizing drink, Bertie felt buoyed. Jeeves then coldly noticed Bertie's face, he collecting a moostosh. Bertie sticks to his guns and then Mr. Cheesewright arrives.
Bertie was reduced to nerves when it came to certain fellas, Cheesewright one of these bunch, the 2 never having meshed, they being acquainted, since boyhood. Cheesewright no longer worked with the law, but through his uncle, his habit still in this vein, though, which helped put Bertie off. Although, Bertie had a couple, he was able to keep relatively cool, even offering the judgemental fellow a drink, he snooty and giving Bertie a hard time, since they usually bet on their dart tourney at the Drones, and Cheesewright had pulled Bertie's name, so he usually'd say something about his imbibement habits. Cheesewright goes on to accuse him of also going to Catsmeat's going off to Cali party, believing he'd have gluttoned the bad stuff more, even considering he'd be off for the same after eyeing his outfit.
Upon Bertie setting him straight though, he affects acceptance of a sort, he currently awaiting Florence to show. They almost ready squabble when she arrives, since he'd made fun of Bertie's moostosh. Bertie clarifies his earlier description of Florence wasn't becoming of her actual clever lovlieness, she not short on suitors or eyeballing American horndawgs. Cheesewright berates her lateness, which she doesn't register, instead keeping her vision on Bertie, which rustles his feathers, and worse when she praises his moostosh, this giving Cheesewright the stick, so Bertie changes the subj. to Florence's novel, she bringing up Percy's play, stating how whilst there was small trubs with funding, he'd assured he'd raise the funds.
Cheesewright goes into insulting snorts, believing Percy to be incapable, Florence defending his honor, facially and cranially. As the 2 bicker, Cheesewright hurries the along for his unc's inability to wait long. Bertie watches the 2 with worry, knowing he could get dragged into their eventual split if Florence looked at him the right way again, he knowing Florence was out of all his leagues, esp. intelligence. This only bode of being "moulded", and this wouldn't do. So, after his smoke and thoughts of never again being forced to read Tolstoy over mystery thriller fic, he goes to meet the Trotters (Like, Only Fools and Horses!).
Bertie’s expectations are met with bores galore, he happy to conclude his evening at the Drones, with "restorative" drinks, Cheesewright interrupting not long after. Bertie expounds on the Cheesewright and how often he rowed, presently and in college. His physique wrestler-esque and he staring at Bertie in a way which had him cringing. Cheeswright begins with threatening him, then inquires why he'd grown the moostosh, he having to endure Florence chatting nonstop about it, and upon arriving at her doorstep, wishing he'd grow one. Cheesewright refuses and she ends their engagement; a lead-up to this, ofc being listed.
Bertie was showing empathy which Cheesewright q's, since he was suspicious the growing of fuzz was for Florence's reaction, Bertie attempting to ease his mind and failing, his nerves at him, now, but does throw back some good plausibility. Cheesewright decides he'll judge this new evidence, Bertie feeling worried, changing venue to the sitting-room where Jeeves was finishing a phone call. Bertie soon thanks Jeeves for handling Gorringe, who was on the phone. Bertie brings more concern to his 11 pgs in the Ganymede club books, pleading for Jeeves to rip them out, and then learns more about who was listed in his stories with him.
After, Jeeves remembers Florence's request for Bertie to call her back, once on the line with her, she confides having to research a grungy night club, Bertie having Jeeves make a reservation for a table away from the band, Jeeves having confirmed rightly. Bertie kept his handful of memberships to different nightclubs about town, but'd fallen out of taste with it, the one he was taking Florence being the kind she'd requested, flashy. When meeting up with Florence at nearly midnight, she was in a damp mood, Bertie readying to warm her heart toward her beloved once more, he directing chat to her book, she ready to tell why she was having her main character go to a nightclub being caused by love woes. They then move to her staying at Brinkley and meeting the famous author, Morehead, and they eating kippers and drinking whilst doing so.
Bertie eventually brings up Cheesewright and how he was in similarity with her main character's feelings. It's then when it's shown how uncaring Florence currently felt toward Cheesewright, then the subj. takes a nasty turn about marriage and Bertie, they getting raided, and Florence bouncing when hearing the process Bertie confided. He then trips the officer in hot pursuit of her and gets himself well knicked. Bertie spends the night in jail, pays his 10 pounds to society, then totters home, Jeeves found and debriefed on his disliked experience of jail, the judge, a comedian in his own right, which Bertie also doesn't get pleasure from, mostly in roast-style.
Bertie then goes about ordering a ginormous breakies and despaired over Jeeves having to add this tale to his others in Ganymede, this being confirmed regretfully by the man, he also restating there wasn't any juice on Cheesewright in there, and then leaves on the behest of Bertie for his breakies. Florence then calls up and was caught up on what had happened and why, to Bertie, she thanking him and then letting him know the judge he'd encountered was Cheesewright's unc, Bertie properly amazed, as well as by Florence having gotten back with him. She also decides Cheesewright must not learn of their chat or nightclub for his crazy jealousy, he even having bent on growing a moostosh, so Bertie agrees as he notices Cheesewright in the room. Bertie thinks fast and begins referring to Florence as Catsmeat, til ringing off, restating who he'd been speaking with, and Cheesewright not poisoning him with his stare for this ofc, he asking instead where he'd been the night before, proceeding to explain how his unc'd mentioned him at lunch and he'd been with Florence, Bertie playing this off as if it'd been possible, Gadsby, his alias, was his look-alike and could've been responsible for his unc's confusion.
This leads to Cheesewright q'ing whether it actually had been Florence in the club last night, Bertie in support of this, as well as when Jeeves comes back with his elixirs for both boys. Bertie declines his in performance for calming Cheesewright, and when he'd drank the stuff, he'd become much more forgiving toward him, the 2 parting on relative good terms, Cheeswright following Florence to Brinkley when his stash came in properly. Bertie was on his best legs the next days to come with Cheeswright gone, up until getting telegrams from his dear Aunt Dahlia, he properly paranoid by them after his cow-creamer debacle. He knows he must take it and open, so discovers it's the Aunt, their message convo. insulting and warm, to end with, anyways, and he learning she required him quickly to cheer up a bloke with whiskers, and upon prompting for more info., receives a blast with why he was to do as he was told.
Bertie responds with he'd be thinking it over, due to complicados of his own. His main concern was Cheesewright's presence, Bertie not able to avoid this for long, since Dahlia calls in the evening, and eventually comes out with the woeful man being Percy Gorringe, he having raised the moolah for the play, but was broken-hearted over Florence marrying Cheesewright. He was worrying about him, too, but Anatole's cooking ultimately decides him, he apprising Jeeves and tasking him with the necklace pick-up, Dahlia had requested. When he drives down to Brinkley and delivers Dahlia's necklace to her, they speak of his unc's sympathy pangs toward Percy, since he'd sacrificed Anatole's cooking for his emo needs.
Dahlia chucks a book at Bertie's face when he begins singing because a phrase reminded him of some similar lyrics. They get back to her theory she couldn't get Trotter to sign was because of his mother, who was also staying with them, Percy interrupting to inquire after Florence, and upon being intro'ed to Bertie, shows he hadn't forgiven or forgotten being spurned his money. This doesn't concern Dahlia though, she focused on the Trotter she wished to buy Milady's Boudoir, so Bertie is sent out after Percy, he not looking for him much when he runs into him on the garden path. For some unknown reason, though Percy was in grand attitude, speaking of the sunset and then quoting a poem he'd written of the same subj. matter, revealing how he'd been inspired by Cheesewright.
Bertie could relate, he also bringing up how he knew Dahlia had blabbed about his feelings and being upset it Florence was marrying an idiot like Cheesewright. Bertie then hears how the telegram Percy had delivered was of Cheesewright breaking off with Florence and she biffing off, Percy doing the same for energy, and Bertie a bit unnerved only for Florence not seeing Percy in this way, he knowing Florence going backwards in love was more her style. He then speaks to the horse herself, she confirming Percy's words and Cheesewright apparently gone so far as to bribe people at the night club for info about who was there the night they'd been out and knew Bertie had reserved a table. When he nervously inquires if Cheesewright'd mentioned him, Florence gives him the bad news of she believing Cheesewright'd promise he'd break 5 spots on his spine, now.
Florence biffs off and whilst Bertie hates to be late for an Anatole meal, he was flummoxed by Cheesewright. Then, he calms himself with knowing Cheesewright wouldn't be at Brinkley at least, hastening to his room, Jeeves then informing him of Cheesewright's presence and wishing to see him. Bertie was well shocked, esp. after learning Cheesewright planned to meet with him after din din, Bertie not impressed with his inelegant etiquette. So, whilst Bertie's first meal on his stay at Brinkley wasn't the best, the menu consisted: Le Caviar Frais (The Fresh Caviar), Le Consommé aux Pommes d'Amour (with the apples of love), Le Sylphides à la crème d'Écrevisses (with the crayfish cream), Les Fried Smelts, Le Bird of some kind with chipped potatoes, and Le ice cream.
To top it off, it tasted like nothing spectacular because of Cheesewright's presence. He didn't make it easy on anyone, since he sat in silence, not chit-chatting. So, by meals end, Bertie high tails it outside, thinking he heard a baying, not waiting for this Cheesewright to catch up, the night being zen if not for this. He runs into Unc. Tom, he having a breath of a walk in the night, inquiring of Bertie's quick exit and sidetracking on Dahlia's acting peculiar.
Bertie decides to return to his room when his unc continues his walk, readying to read most of his "sleuth" fic when Cheesewright comes a-callin'. Bertie makes clear he wasn't opening up for the fella, since he'd threatened assault, so Cheesewright rattles and cusses for a bit before learning. Jeeves then knocks, Bertie requesting whisk. and sod., and upon his fetching, next arrives Dahlia, she needing Jeeves touch of genius before her rep lost all goodness. Dahlia confides her worry for her hubby, Tom, she interrupting herself in order to give Bertie what for on his moostosh, she then resuming with how she hadn't asked Tom for money for Morehead being in her mag, she instead having pawned her pearl necklace and now sporting a fake, Bertie flabbergasted.
The terrible part of this news was Tom's buddy who'd be visiting knew jewelry, as well, so would looky loo her neck gear, Bertie seeing the issue. Jeeves returns, Bertie gives his aunt first dibs of drink, then relates the prob. and Jeeves shows his passing interest with jewelry and diamond detection, then once upon learning Dahlia's issue, must take a mo to pace. Aunt Dahlia can't quite get over Jeeves' choice of descrip., "disturbing", which bothered her despite Bertie's attempts to soothe. She begins to come around with reminders of how often Bertie'd been saved, Jeeves then returning with the idea stemming from Shakespeare, she getting it burgled, so the jeweler had nothing to verify, Bertie disappointed, esp. when being offered his services as thief to Dahlia by Jeeves, she all for it.
Bertie not, ofc, but they'd covered all the possibilities for a relatively easy thieving scheme, so he agrees, Dahlia readying her item within her room. Bertie fetches the ladder and promptly enters the wrong window, identifying Florence's vocals of confusion, she flood-lighting the room. (Wow! First misspelling, "farily" Ch.13, psh!) Bertie cannot believe how Dahlia got her instructions wrong, but Florence acts pleased to see him, and when she suggests he'd been planning to kiss her, he tries to steer her away, it ofc not working, and so he gives her the desired snog, reluctantly, she then confessing Agatha's view of Bertie needing to have been committed long ago, puzzling Florence. Bertie takes ample offense to this, esp. with entertaining her spawn, Thos., (and the 2nd error "w(h)ere they stood", tsk editor!) and Florence continuing about how she'd been curious of his progress, since finding him with a book she thought he'd been buying.
When Florence learns about his current reading choice, she's quite stink-faced over it. They're soon interrupted before Florence could share what she believed he should be reading, Cheesewright announcing himself. He insists on delivering her mail to her face, they now having to discover a hiding place for the Bertie. They settle him within a cupboard and Cheesewright places her mail on a surface indicated, everyone "stiffly" speaking.
Cheesewright broaches the subj. of his telegram first, saying how he'd immediately shaved his moostosh upon learning of Bertie at the club, he insulting her by claiming she hadn't written her last book, and attempts to specify further, losing his train of thought, so Florence states he should make like his thought, and biff off, but he relocates the R word, and even mentions his paranoid fear, but walks himself into bad territory when Florence confirms her plans to attach to Bertie, he violently shuddering enough to shower himself with hat boxes, Cheesewright discovering and withdrawing him by his ear. Bertie attempts good humor, but it isn't met, Cheesewright preferring to take it outside Florence's room. Bertie uses this to his advantage, but soon realizes the much needed ladder wasn't at the window any longer, he then curbing Cheesewright with he being the chosen Dart member, which pauses him. He's soon reasoned into staying his spine-cracking hands and Bertie's allowed to retire to his room, finding Dahlia waiting and sputtering at him, Bertie feeling the tides should have him in this state.
Soon after Dahlia puts forth her q's, Bertie adds his side, Dahlia then getting his hang up. She was also updated to the status of the ladder: missing, Unc. Tom then entering before Dahlia could curse. They team up with a natural excuse, Tom revealing he'd discovered a ladder and believed a thief group was on the premises. The mys. solved, Dahlia felt better, she able to set up the paranoia to her needs.
Unc. Tom throws them a loop though, upon stating where he'd moved the valued items, they then hoping Jeeves knew combo locks, he locating them like a demon and confirming he didn't have the skill of the backwoods, this giving Dahlia the hopelessness of what was to come, and once Jeeves learned who they were expecting, reminds Bertie Lord Sidcup was Spode of Totleigh Towers, they in the clear for knowing his secret, so he'd hold his tongue about the necklace if it was to be kept. Bertie awakes late per usual, and after breakies notes Dahlia's behavior had improved, she informing how Jeeves had brought her into the fold regarding Spode's other business. Before leaving so he could finish his morning toilette, she commends him for keeping a steady front when it came to his fiancee, Florence and her thoughts as to when and where'd they marry, knowing he'd have a decent chance of getting out of it, like always, but also considering if he did have to sign the love contract, at least he'd be without assault upon his bod. Jeeves then updates Bertie of Ganymede's lunch being moved up a week to accomodate a butler, Bertie ofc "right-ho"-ing.
Jeeves aways and Percy moans, his outlook having switched again. As he's confessing his reason and approaches having asked Florence's hand, Bertie gave buddy support response, and Percy isn't amused, since he'd lost her to Bertie. What truly confuses Bertie, is when revealing he'd been bought off Cheesewright for the Darts tourney, he then reacts with aflutter. Ofc, he'd have liked to biff off immed., but Dahlia may need back up and Bertie had a strong sense of loyalty.
A plan involving perhaps Jeeves seeps in, he making a quick dash to where he'd parked to see if he could catch him in time. Bertie was currently relying on Jeeves still possessing Thos' cosher, he catching Jeeves looking like a bohss and would've missed him if he'd been a few seconds longer, Bertie getting straight to the point with short preface. Jeeves offers to return with it, but Bertie worries about length of time without and Cheesewright's desires for him too strong. Jeeves is soon agreeing with Bertie's surmising and metaphor, adding more than enough on his own to make Bertie wonder his intent, stopping him and deciding to carpool, wanting to feel safer sooner than later.
They do as expected, retrieve the cosh, Jeeves going to his club, and Bertie eating at the Drones, then returning to Brinkley, upon getting back, first seeing Dahlia. She was frustrated with Spode being held up by her hubby showing off his silver for so long and she not getting the chance to speak with him privately, yet. She's reminded of Jeeves and his advicing through chit-cat with nephew, but is despaired by his absence, Percy interrupting before Bertie could relinquish with the time he'd return. Percy nags Bertie about his health what with having gone to the city in such warm weather, he then relaying his mama's desire to speak with Dahlia after she berates him for interrupting.
Dahlia agrees to see the woman later and leaves to vulture her hubby, Percy sharing how much Cheesewright wished to see him, fetching him, and Bertie ready with his blackjack. Bertie with cosher, was ice steady, he taking Cheesewright's threats with ease. He finally produces the little weapon to Cheesewright's frozen stance, but Bertie begins setting a scene, and Cheesewright catches him off guard with a lunge in mid-sentence, getting the weapon, but Bertie instinctually mad quick retreating, keeping the mini couch between them, after jumping to the far side initially with adrenalin (fucking hilarious!). Bertie tuckers Cheesewright out, they being discovered by Dahlia's butler, Cheesewright getting more pissed as their exchange was only leading to the fact of his coming through for the bell having rung at the door, Bertie explaining and referring to him as a dance partner (great fun!).
The butler fetches a blond female, she bowling Cheesewright over with her looks, fosho! She announces who she is for the butler's benefit for Dahlia. Bertie understands the value she brought to the mag with Morehead to talk it up. She surprises the mute Cheesewright more, when she recognizes him, and after Bertie offers to show her in to his Aunt, she declines in preference to a walk, Cheesewright getting his words out and offering a look at the place, she accepting and the 2 biffing off. Bertie goes off and lounges to sleep, awaking abruptly for recalling the dropped weapon, aiming on reclaiming it for obv. safety precaution.
Bertie goes to where it'd flown, near Unc. Tom's safe, cosher not there, and safe open. Bertie locates pearl necklace, though and locates Dahlia in her room with Agatha Christie novel, she looking much more chipper, Bertie expecting a happier blow up upon his good deed reveal, but Dahlia cuts him off with her good news, first. She goes on about waiting, she following them to the safe once Tom'd remembered, he getting a phone call and Dahlia talking Eulalie but Spode having sold his share, Dahlia then noticing the cosh. Bertie guesses rightly, she using it on Spode before he got a close look at the necklace.
Dahlia is in mid-celebration of getting her necklace, when Bertie asks about the one he'd grabbed. After a bit of a recap of Dahlia's events she figures the necklace was Ma Trotter's, she having Bertie return it to the safe. Bertie goes of to do this as Mr. Trotter comes in, Bertie hoping the safe was still ajar. It was, but before Bertie could place necklace within, the man sees the door open, wacks it shut before Bertie's bulbous eyes, and necklace stays out of its needed setting.
Bertie knew his fate, jail by inspector, he getting accused of thievery. He rushes back to Dahlia, Ma Trotter just then leaves and he sees Dahlia's mood change again, she revealing Ma Trotter wanted Anatole in exchange for her hubby being allowed to sign. Dahlia's too caught up with this prospect to listen to Bertie's trubs the first time, catching it after he gives it a 2nd go, then Tom comes in. He updates them of Ma Trotter discovering her necklace missing, Bertie declining the offered drink Tom planned on getting for himself, leaving.
Bertie calls for Dahlia's butler when she mentions not having Jeeves available, they learning he'd come back, and send for him, Bertie telling his problem first and Dahlia allowing she'd be second. Jeeves suggests Bertie secret the necklace to Ma Trotter's room during din din, but then decides it'd be easier for him to shimmer past unnoticed, he then hearing Dahlia's, letting her know she could get Trotter to go against his wife by relating to hubby she knew he'd declined the honor of knighthood, which his wife yearned for him to receive, this making his acquiescence guaranteed. Due to his turning in early though, she planned on dropping her know-how after breakies. Next morning, against the grain of Bertie's normal rising hour, he was at the stairs at 9, wanting to see Dahlia's victory firsthand.
Cheesewright and Morehead were there and readying for a row on the lake later, Bertie showing his cosher again and Cheesewright updating his stance of no longer needing to break Bertie's stance in multiple spots, he also having gotten over Florence. This froze up Bertie, a bit, he chasing after Morehead, and Bertie left with Trotter complaining about the French cooking giving him pubic pain and being married meaning the loss of one's power over one's spirit, and next the room fills with the rest of the houseguests and hostess, Spode's 7 foot frame walking in and delicately relating what he remembered, Dahlia brushing it up to "giddiness" on his part, then giving Bertie a piece with lighting his ciggy inside, it stanky. As he stands by the window, all hear Ma Trotter quake over some fool being knighted, she then deciding hubby should decline, if ever offered, Dahlia losing hope, but gaining Ma Trotter's pearl necklace when her butler delivers it to her. As Bertie listens to Dahlia's suggestion as to how it'd gotten in her butler's hands, she is moved to ring for the cops (after it's been found, mind you...), Dahlia a bit miffed Trotter would accuse her butler of swiping it, the man relating he'd discovered it in Jeeves' room, he having found it in the hall.
Trotter requests for Jeeves, Bertie ready to reveal everything in case Jeeves got the axe. When he'd arrived, though, Ma Trotter gets her reason of why Jeeves'd kept it, saying it was fake pearl, bringing about silent shock, Trotter denying this and accusing Jeeves of being drunk, his verbal agility put to the test, and this obv. not the case. Spode looks at it and agrees its worthlessness, Percy coming clean when his mama is accused of shorting her hubby the money for her bro. Percy confesses to needing it for the play of the lady he lurved, Florence looking upon him differently.
Trotter wishes to leave quick as possible, his abdomen being mean to him and wanting a doc, Dahlia's hope to sell diminishing. Bertie yells for Jeeves, who offers one of his specials to Trotter, and upon hearing it's close proximity, follows Jeeves, Dahlia close being for support and chat, ofc, Bertie now alone with Florence. Bertie uses the same tactic offering items as with Trotter, she declining and confessing her upset about her feelings budding toward Percy, he making the getting to the point easy by offering to end their engagement, and get right with Percy, she so happy she hugs him, and Percy walks in to see. Florence, fortunately is given time to explain what she'd been doing to Bertie, the 2 accepting how chivalrous he was, but wouldn't be able to guess to look at him, Florence then wondering how they'd live according to her lifestyle needs, Percy reluctant to reveal he had a back up income as a detective author, which Bertie enjoyed, his pseudonym, Rex West, and Bertie fanboying asking a q about his current story, Florence then showering some love for jonesing on his literariness.
Before the 2 could tottle off to talk of his current proj. though, Bertie gets Percy's autograph, then sits for more sausage and bacon, Dahlia returning and looking much better, Trotter in recovery, Bertie catching her up, and Jeeves relaying Trotter's readiness to deal, Dahlia off like a shot. Bertie then, after contemplation decides the moostosh was too dangerous for him to keep, Jeeves obv relieved, and thanking Bertie. Perfect and hilarious good fun, as usual! This one gave me the good imaginings to the point of LOLing for quite a while through a few sentences. Wodehouse is the man.
