BigFoot Sword of the EarthMan Vol. 1

By Josh S. Henamen

The intro seems ridiculous, mute, a loner, and a lover of the ladies, but killer of men! Alien Blue men look to Earth for help. Bigfoot is traveling through desert, armed like "Die Hard"-style, wearing a green-rocked ring which gets him misty-eyed. An ancient alien community regards BF as a tempermental Earthman, he having an enforcer type try to chain him into submission. One alien, a scribe bagworm called Castor, joins forces with him on the idea BF could help him escape their prison.

Meanwhile, Lord Jeoffa hears the progress made on the Colossus being built, but worry of the location being weak in their ability to send help if Queen Mara attacked. Lord Jeoffa t'ain't bothered by the "desert whore". They move topic to BF and how the officer suggests they kill him, already having maimed and killed more than a few council members,but Jeoffa wishing to break BF before they end him, as an example to hell-raisers. Back with Castor, he'd gotten in trouble for spreading propaganda, but if the people pay, he go.

The guards finish beating him, and he relates to BF of planning on buying their way to freedom. A couple days later show Castor able to get himself out, but BF was more difficult. He does buy an item which'll help, though. Castor breaks BF's chains, then loses him in the confusion of a riot, hoping his pursuers don't follow. They make it to desert land, and Castor complains of not having prepared enough by at least getting map or dirty water as gear.

They have a run in with giant ant bugs which Castor feels would be enough to get anyone exclaiming, yet BF remained wordless, but not motionless, killing the hell outta them! Castor only gets saved because BF happens to be running by him and Castor latches on as more big ass ants stampede. BF saves them by jumping over a wall divide, the ants falling in the crevasse. They are then surrounded by a grungy group in connection with Queen Mara, to which they now had no choice, but join.

BF was soon getting hype for killing moth vamps, and having traveled great distance, not taking anyone's side, but his own. He does help the underdogs, though whether they be old, young, or sex candy. Now, BF can speak, at least through Castor's mind, he telling of those who hear of him, becoming scared shitless. Castor imagines BF having verbiage would sound this simply, but they're next shouted at to help with pouring fuel, this being 2 days since they'd been claimed by the group.

Castor wonders how serious the threat to whip deserters was, BF not being made to help though, he lounging about for the most part. Castor sees BF become sprightly upon smelling someone and running at her. She's quite gored through, her mouth bloody and torn, she relaying of "they" on their way. Before shit goes down, she tells of "the heart of the sun" being a jewel, and she'd seen it. She dies, and BF books it to the beacon and turns it on, the moth vamps attacking (This feeling like The Perhapanauts.) BF takes on damage, but succeeds in overthrowing them.

When the leader asks for volunteers to regain beacon fire, Castor puts himself and BF up. Castor admits their task an improbable one, to steal the sun gem, which has been missing for incalculable time. Despite this, Castor has the skill to at least get them cloaked-like on to whatever he was vaguely mentioning, they currently on a sand-ship with their captors, but they losing light with the direction the Cap took, but were too late and heading toward bug vamps. The origin of knowledge, as well as the bad luck of a princess, a precious stone shaped like the Earth is what the heart of the sun was.

Castor wakes underground near BF, and someone admits to having waited there 1000 days/yrs. for them, bug vamps having around, though not literally, which would've been cooler. So, they run for their lives, Castor thinking the trap was planned, he and BF getting caught and now chained in front of the Queen Mara sitting on her throne, she wearing the Heart of the sun, and upon referring to BF as a K, Castor realizes she's the Legendary Malona the Damned. Castor is threatened into relating the tale to Malona of 2 kings fighting forever, making a truce through a princess' heart, and a sword made in hell. Both lands become strong and their futures bright, until the princess goes rogue and kills her mate, everything devolving to war once more. So, Malona gave birth to the bug vamps, and was forgotten by time, she now offerring BF to break her curse by becoming her K.

She then orders Castor to be killed, BF breaking free and as Castor discovers money coins nearby, he's struggling against BF, since he was leaving before allowing him to grab any, but BF had gotten out with the heart. BF is over this, though a dam breaking when he drops the heart, and he lights some neon liquid, losing the heart with the burst of water, and the explosion after. So, now BF has another leader looking for him to be captured. Next, they go to the hella dangerous shrinking jungle, and 1st is shown the unknown leader from before relating of tracking BF to some hooded alien, and he's on the outskirts of Queen Mara's kingdom.

Some other alien leader orders a soldier-like fella to go after Castor despite it looking like BF had ditched him at the jungle, his scent lost to the general, as well. Meanwhile, Castor is lost, but soon runs into a large animal, and poachers take it. Castor is now found out as a deserter of the Queen's army and is put in a cage and is approached by a hooded figure, wanting to know and willing to pay to locate BF, but Castor claiming ignorance, until paid. The hooded figure uncloaks herself, her eyes sewn shut, she giving him some coins.

She's soon relating her story of their distant past, and religion of the Blue Goddess, praying to her when Queen Mara was the last royal. So, these people's multiple prayers were responsible for BF's coming there, Castor stopping her, not taking her words too seriously for being a witch, which gives way to overhearing of 1 of the group working in the jungle had returned maimed and talking of being assaulted by what sounded like BF, all but one other of his team killed. The jungle man leader decides they will make BF pay for what he'd taken, which was food meant for all of them, and Castor realizes the hooded blind woman was right for believing they must catch up to BF before them. Castor gets to work by making trouble with a group member, and the leader being told of the 2 going missing.

Castor attempts to keep a quick pace, but lady doesn't care anymore, which does get her killed as she confesses of BF not being on this planet to be a hero, but to annihilate them. Castor now goes to be used as bait for BF, he now praying BF biffed off as far away as he could, since the devil was after him, now. Bagworm, Castor now receives his headlining mo. He goes into his scribe caste was the bottom of the barrel, since they were meant to turn people on each other by manipulation. Castor hadn't focused on the storytelling technique which could've become handy now he's met BF.

His currently position of being tied to a rock, and how he got there'd have been changed in his version, as well, but he takes a little time reminiscing of leaving a gal and missing her, and the cushy life of a student, knowing if BF did well, he wouldn't save him this time. Castor is brought to the K of the land and is let go after admitting to know BF, even getting gear and an animal with the agreement to share what he'd experienced, and never to return unless he wished to die, so away Castor goes. BF is captured, but gets out by explosive, Castor having come back to help him, but in the process, the leader stabbing him, this ofc making BF grave in manner. The leader confronts BF and the 2 epicly battling, everyone thinking he'd escaped when a roof comes down, but BF jumping out and again going after the leader.

When he wrongly thinks again of allowing BF to fall to his death, but his hoverboard being grabbed at by the lively fellow. When they hit ground, BF is seen holding the leader's sword pierced through his chest. BF starts walking away from the kingdom, the leader vowing there'd be only 1 Earthman! Ohh, criss cross! It was good enough, not enough to feel the need to read the continuation, but if it t'were to fall into my lap, perhaps.