Best at Winning, Worst at Love (Gastrophobia #3)

By David McGuire

To start this volume, Phobia and Gastro end up in a snake pit somehow, and she makes a snake rope out which Gastro slights, like a little smartass, as usual. He then goes over the dumb reason which had gotten them there, then bringing up how she'd gotten stuck in a pit with hydras when she was small, but this turning into a story about how she lost her ability to shoot an arrow straight after her head injury from the fall. She lets slip how an idea from her father had her practice winning, which upsets Gastro and meanwhile Philia was in a cave hiding when some fellas from the future come by and cause a cave in, they now having to charge their cell so they can use their teleportation app. Philia's back story is quite ridiculous, in an appropriation to the wild story's winding.

By the end of the episode, Gastro forgives his mother for keeping the identity of his father from him and a great song in the tune of Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time is pretty funny, as well. After this, a nice little back story of Klepto and Mania's first meeting is shown; He's responsible for releasing a strange hellbeast-looking bug Krphxyzwlps. which then goes off in search of him when he's not there to witness it's resurrection after a half year baking underground, plant-style. When Krphxyzwlps has his triumphant reunion with the imprisoned Klepto, he refreshes the creature on how he'd been responsible for his death, but since Krphxyzwlps didn't have his anger glands, he couldn't care less, and he was mostly fully formed except for this and being a bit shorter.

Once Klepto reminds Krphxyzwlps they couldn't go back home and on top of it, he was dating the Amazon lady who had killed Krphxyzwlps, the buggy believes the dynamics between Phobia and he will change because she doesn't own him anymore. Krphxyzwlps breaks him out with some fancy disguises involving every girl Klepto had a crush on, the end; But much better when seen, ofc! The next story has to do with someone who's doctor-esque, and Phobia has a crap ton of snake bites all over her legs, concerning Gastro. When they go to the doc, he starts hitting on Phobia, she reeeeally not playing hard to get, he bandages her up, and Gastro is plain about what he thinks of the guy.

After he stares into Gastro's eyes though, he comes around, the doc then showing them his plan to be like the dude from Tusk, but for mermaids. Gastro takes the opportunity to remind Phobia of what doc was planning when he gets dunked in his fish tank after falling in when Mania knocks his ladder over. She knocks over his hut, but he survives and has eyes on making Phobia a mermaid, somedaaay! The next story has the princess from pretty ponies land sending a letter to Gastro to be friends, and so he and Phobia ride back with the messenger and run into a lady attempting to help her ex-boyfriend, oddly enough (this being Krphxyzwlps, in disguise).

Klepto is caught by a giant up in the clouds, and the trio: Gastro, Phobia, and the ex-gf are arguing over the pronunciation of Krphxyzwlps, Gastro having a blast messing around. After this, it's revealed how both the crazy ex-gf and Krphxyzwlps were one and the same, the other growing and separated from the host, tumor-like. Phobia doesn't wait long before taking care of the duplicate Krphxyzwlps, but the call out to Phil Hartman being imagined as her voice is what makes it for me, and I wish I'd known sooner so as to put the two perfect ideas together! Oh well.. This story ends with Gastro writing to Princess Star Butt about learning of a love triangle and his fave color, the messenger horse demanding he settle down so he can sing him to sleep, with My Little Pony theme tune.

The next story is funny, but I don't get the ending. The story after has a great plot twist and funny payoff. After this comes a story about ants! Yay? Sort of, it's our main cast in ant bodies, except for Krphxyzwlps, which leads to a fairly shticky final joke. The next one has the cuckoos returning, one in particular wanting to fight Phobia for being bested by her and needing to save his ego for his own sake.

During their swordplay, Phobia begins to get mixed signals and thinks she's getting flirted at, giving him a lil snog. This shames him to know she thought he hadn't been blatantly obvious with wanting to beat her at fighting, biffing off as a bird. The lady Krphxyzwlps ends the story with news of being engaged to Klepto! Yay! Phobia isn't sure how to take this, since she'd been trying to be her friend this whole time and then claimed Klepto and she had been dating since they were young'ns.

She quickly forgives upon realizing Krphxyzwlps wanted her to be BFFs with her. Then a time jump to Gastro at 13 and Phobes in denial she's 33, he wanting to marry Princess Star-butt for being in lurv and I suppose exchanging love letters for 5 years. Quite a series and I'll be looking forward to seeing the 4th season finished and put in book form!