Archer and Armstrong: Vol 1. The Michelangelo Code 1-4
By Fred Van Lente
Tue in ancient Mesopotamia 1 of 3 bros has died, and the oldest makes the decision to bring him back to life. His other living bro is against it, due to his older bro's flexibility when it came to massacre-ing more people. He attempts to stop his older bro from using the alien machine, but the eldest turns it on, and the machine kills everyone and thing, Genesis being referenced. Time jump to now, and following a pudgy boy at a theme park with his stereotypical fatass Merican, and scooter-riding papa family, 10k years later, in Ohio, another Tue.
The group is at odds for what shall be hit next, but mama makes clear, boys can go on the edumacational rides after 2nd lunch, since daddy needs sugar in his blood. Meanwhile, Obadiah is confirming his preparation for his last test to his pop, other teens rushing out to fight him as he shows off his multi-martial arts skills. Obie apologizes to each kid he lays out as he does it, since they were all competing to have the mission he was obviously more ready for. When he completes the test, his pop comes out and praises him, also revealing his mark was in NY, Obie then bidding farewell to all his adopted sibs.
Mary-Maria is closest to him, and offers advice on the world outside their little christian fighting community, she stating she hadn't the balls to stay away, and hoped he did. Next, Obie is immediately writing an open letter for M-M, since he planned to share his experience until he couldn't anymore, any of the sibs being able to take up where he'd left off. Obie lastly relays of how the city was partially like their home, due to living in the theme park. Obie notes as he walks through the city, how out of touch people were.
Despite his fellow man's ignorance, he relishes the sights of the city, thankful to be seeing it at all. As he walks through the Meat Packing District, the artifact his parents had given him begins to glow, so he enters a bar to see a biker gang, and 2 of them are laughingly at odds about the lady stapling her expensive Victoria's Secret bra to the wall, in homage to their arrival in NY. Obie goes off on the guy by kicking him in the face. He then suggests the "Ma'am" go home to her pa or hubby, she replying by cussing him out, and punching him in the face to emphasize her words.
Meanwhile, the bartender is arguing with Armstrong to go do his bouncing duties, or she'd bounce his ass out of her bar, as well. He obliges, despite being drunk and was trying to hook up 2 girls with drinks, going over to the altercation, breaking it up, and in mid explanation on an off topic subj, regards the larger man, and pukes in his face. This keeps the man busy by himself, Obie thanking Armstrong for his help, they starting to fight off the other bikers around them and catting. Obie intros himself and tells of not being able to hit a chick, Armstrong having seen and mentioned it, Obie avoiding his bruises if he'd punched her, she a druggie old bag, anyways.
Obie then realizes his artifact was shining brighter around Armstrong, and he initiates battle. This doesn't last long, neither able to harm the other for skill, everyone passing out with a thrown tranquilizer bomb, robot-looking guys walking in with guns. Obie wakes in a dark room with Armstrong chained by leg and arm to the wall. The 2 are soon arguing, and Armstrong tells of Obie working for the same "sect" as the founding papas, and they were who had them arrested.
Obie clarifies his not working for a sect, but was "on a holy mission!", and could end Armstrong where he stood. Armstrong explains how improbable Obie's threat was, since he'd lived centuries already, and no one has been able to stop his breath, yet. Armstrong also warns how the artifact was a piece of the machine which had destroyed life, and if Obie has its fulcrum, everyone was in trouble. Obie is ignoring him, though as he unlocks the door, refusing to let Armstrong loose, and acting like Hank from The Venture Bros.
Obie ignores Armstrong's loud pleas, beats up the guards down a hallway, then overhears the Rev. Congresswoman talking about having to sacrifice Obie for either distraction or destruction in regard to the enemy, Aram Anni-Padda... the group then being able to get the fulcrum back from him, and put the pieces together. The corn is strong with this one. Issue 2 tells of Obie's background and abilities to copy all physical moves. Archer also isn't convinced by his lifelong mark's story of the group after him all due to his immortalism, but this changes when he hears his mother give him up for the artifact.
I agree with other reviewers mentioning the useless martial arts and weapons blurbs being a tired way of getting the point across. It's also less emotion-evoking when they use M-M against Obie to play nice with them, since she couldn't leave... technically. The art also doesn't help the story along. Archer gets knocked out to be their V-card carrying sacrifice, and Armstrong is checked on, he thinking how Archer reminds him of his bros. Armstrong breaks out, and goes after Obie, who gets a vision and staves off the knife they were about to use on him, he making peace with Armstrong when he comes in.
Armstrong takes Archer to an old church to meet an old nun, also ex-sect, and they attempt to reclaim the next piece. Favorite word basta serving 2 purposes, since they discover a secret passage below the rigged basilica, they held up by a fighting cloister of Lillith readying to kill them. Armstrong is able to take them down with a distraction from Obie, everyone then seeing the lost texts of Vatican, Armstrong going after the old wine, whilst Obie and the nun discover where the next piece was hid. Obie discovers M-M on the wall working to drill in to get the torque.
She's excitedly talking of their parents plans and how the other kids were collecting the other parts, Obie trying to warn her before she sees Armstrong, but fails, she also not believing Obie's story about his blood parents, so shoots Armstrong's eyes with arrows, then takes their artifacts, Armstrong not worried, since they knew the final spot they'd go. Meanwhile, the Rev's are where the final piece is, and speaking with Hitler-looking monks about if need be, forcing them to allow them to put together the machine. Archer and M-M are breaking in when one of the monks senses Archer's close, and his pop reveals Obie was adopted from a military compound, and when he comes in fighting, the monks learn he is powerful in a way they weren't and was also able to view the Akashic Record. Obie's pop turns on the machine, and it begins draining him.
It also drains M-M before she can confess to Obie about his parents, the vision he sees again admitting he is Ivar, Armstrong's bro, Archer letting him use his body to stop the machine. They do, but not in time to save the nun, she giving Armstrong a new task, to find her successor, since her death would allow passage to a geomancer, M-M walking away outside looking eye-glazed, and Archer thinking she was dead, and he hadn't been able to save anyone. Not good enough to continue. It's like too many other better told stories, and the art ain't worth writing about, so hopefully on to better reads!
